


The Pain I'm In (Peter parker) [ Temporarily Discontinued ]

by Anonymoususer12346



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Abused Michael, Death, Depressed Peter Parker, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Graphic Description, Hurt, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony, Hurt/Comfort, Near Death Experiences, Other, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Protective Michelle Jones, Protective Natasha Romanov, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Peter Parker, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Traumatized Peter Parker, Worried Ned Leeds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2019-11-17 20:42:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 22,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18106103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymoususer12346/pseuds/Anonymoususer12346
Summary: ❝ y-you just WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND! ❞I snapped staring into my clenched fists❝ What don't I understand peter?❞Tony kept a concerned tone, never once taking his eyes off me.❝ The pain I'm in. ❞I murmured glaring daggars at him.¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤▪¤In which Peter parker struggles more now than he's ever struggled before. With The death of his aunt may; her abusive Boyfriend takes guardianship over him. While life slowly unfolds around him, he is forced to struggle. How can peter be   spiderman- a super hero- if he can't even save himself from his own demons?°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°⚠Trigger warning⚠- Thoughts of suicide- self mutilation- grotesque quotes/sections- depression and anxiety- Domestic violence- foul language~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~I don't own marvel, or Spiderman, or any character accept michael.♡▪♡▪♡▪♡▪♡▪♡▪♡▪♡▪♡▪♡▪♡▪♡▪





	1. [1]

Honestly, dragging myself out of bed was just about the hardest thing I could ever do, every day.  
"Aye dipshit, time to get your lazy ass up!" Michael snarls, banging against my door. 

I quickly sat, up staring into the wall. I spaced out for a few minutes. the river of memories would flood my mind until I felt a small sting in my chest. 

The events of last night...I realised now they don't really faze me as much.   
Now a days, I'm sort of numb. The pain never actually returns until I start moving my body. 

"I SAID GET THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE BITCH." Michael yells, chunking a boot at my face.

Unfortunately I was half asleep, and my reflexes were off. I yelped as it flew into my face, hard enough to bounce off, slamming against the ground. 

I quickly jumped out of bed, throwing on the jeans I wore from yesterday. I noticed the shirt I wore had blood stains on it, so I threw it in the closet, grabbing an old iron man sweatshirt.  
After changing i grab my book bag off the floor next to my bed, and head out. 

I darted down the steps, pulled out my iPod stuffing it in my pocket. I crammed in my earbuds before making my way to the subway station. 

As soon as I arrived, hundreds of citizens crowd the station, filling the subway and i manage to merge into the sea of people, then rushed to the first free spot I could see.   
I sank into the music, disappearing to my thoughts. people swarm me filling in the seats and grabbing poles. 

I-I-I I've got a migraine  
And my pain will range from up, down, and sideways  
Thank God it's Friday cause Fridays will always be better than Sundays  
'Cause Sundays are my suicide days

I couldn't help but close my eyes, peacefully Obsorbing the melody in my mind. I fell into the lyrics, they kissed my thoughts. Calming them. Nurturing them. Almost healing them. For some reason while the words flow back to back, I Bob my head. I couldn't help it, I loved the way the words replicated the pain that gnaws at my heart every day; still keeping a positive beat. 

Sadly, the sensation doesn't last. The vibration of my phone pulls me back into reality. I pulled out my phone, feeling the intense gleam of the brightness hit my pupils, as I squint at the screen staring down before noticing 5 unread messages. 

Ned: PETER! I GOT A NEW LEGOS SET  
Star Wars Millennium Falcon 7965!!!!!  
Received: 9:15 p.m.

Happy: hey kid, picking you up after school tomorrow, Tony needs help with his new suit.   
Recieved: 10:47 p.m.

Ned: hey peter! I can't make it tonight my mom said it was too late :( see you at school tomorrow, kay?  
Received: 11:27 p.m.

MJ: Hey loser, did you finish the science homework from last night? I forgot to do it.   
Received: 6:57 a.m.

Michael: if you're not home by 5:00, your in deep shit, Bitch-boy.  
Received: 7:13 a.m.

I had just started typing before   
I noticed the subway Had came to a stop.   
It was oddly satisfying watching as the people emptied the subway. It distracted me from having to think about my life. 

I stared into the ground and slipped through the herd of civilians, thinking about how badly I just wanna fade away.   
\----------------------------------------------

[Flashback]

"Get THE FUCK in here YOU LITTLE BITCH". Michael spoke through his teeth, eyes wide open.   
I'd quiver in fear staring down at my feet as I approached him.   
I felt his hands wrap around my neck; slamming my body into the Wall, leaving a gaping hole in the wall. "Ohoho, YOU'RE IN FOR IT NOW YOU LITTLE SHIT, YOU'RE RUINING THIS HOUSE!" He screamed in my face before bringing his fist back, and slamming it into my jaw, repeatedly. . 

I couldn't breathe, I started wheezing, as I struggled for air under his grip. I was too weak to fight back, I hadn't eaten in days. Slowly withering away. At first it was because there never was anything to eat, but now...when I go anywhere near food I gag, feeling the nausea burns my insides. 

Something in my mind, sounded as though it snapped. I watched as Vines of black tar pull me into the darkness. Soon I realised I was blacking out greatful to have a break.   
~  
~  
~  
~  
~  
~  
or So I thought.


	2. [2]

School was calm, but still very agitating. As I arrived, my mind became tainted while walking towards the entrance. the many thoughts trapped in my head, flutter around. They poised my mind, they made me just want to disappear. 

Why did I even try today?   
Why am I do worthless?   
Why am I so-

"Hey penis parker! Long time no see!" Flash and his ignorant words suprisingly saved me from those thoughts, but I soon regret even feeling thankful for his words interrupting me from my thoughts. 

"Hey! don't ignore me?" He snapped, as I picked up the pace on the way to my locker. 

"HEY PENIS I'M TALKING TO YOU!" He shouts from behind me. I felt him grab the collar of my shirt from behind and flung my body around, pushing My back against the locker.    
I winced as he brought back his fist. 

Guys began to crowd me, as he drops me from my choker hold. "Whats the matter Penis? Stark got your tongue?" He snarls after kicking me in the ribcage.   
I felt as my body collapsed; legs Giving out as soon as my knees scrape against the ground.  
Luckily, I blacked out there too. 

Time skip 

When I made it to the caffeteria, I decided I'm just gonna skip lunch. I avoided ned and MJ, in hopes that they wouldn't worry.   
I hid in the bathroom near the locker bay.

I threw my bag against the wall, gripping the Sink; glaring into my emotionless reflection.   
"Why are you so useless?" I asked aloud . "Why can't you just Die already?" I asked again, practically speaking through my clenched bloody teeth. 

I pressed my index finger against the fresh blood oozing from my bottom lip. Then I slide my hand  over my cheek, studdying the Vibrant Pinkish purple that stained my left eye.   
I brought up both hands to feel my neck. I yelped, accidentally brushing over a sensitive layer of swelling. 

I looked down at my hands, and slid my sleeves up. The mind churning pain of scabbed scars scratched against the Inside. Then I just take a moment to breathe and look at the glossy red lines in which littered my worthless flesh.   
the bell rang; I jolted at the sudden sound.   
Seconds later i grabbed my bag, and slung it over my shoulder before charging through the door Bolting down the hall toward my next class. 

I ignored Mr. Harrison's comment. I'd assumed it was because I made it just as the bell rang, but I didn't really feel like putting up with it today. 

I sat next to ned, placing my bag beneath the desk and pulling out my text book, followed by a few pencils. 

"Hey Peter, where were you at lunch? I thought you were gonna sit with us?" His concerned murmur nearly angered me.   
I just shrugged my shoulders staring down into the desk.   
He looked nervous when he asked  me "woah, what happened to you? You look horrible".   
I just simply replied with a thanks, pretending to listen to the boring lesson. 

Time skip 

Eventually school let out, and i was eager to finally go to the tower, and take my mind off all of this Stress. 

I silently followed happy as he lead me to the car. He opened the door, cracking a smile. I ignored it and jammed my earbuds in.   
I watched as the school disapeared into the distance.   
I lost myself in the window; building would come and go as we drove by.

3rd person  
Peter lost himself in the void of his mind, in awe as the Car glides peacefully through the city. 

Happy clenched his hands on the wheel, knowing something wasn't right. Peter isn't usually this quiet, so it sort of worries him.   
'Maybe he's just tired' he thought to himself, glancing at the rear view mirror. The corner of his eye caught a good glance at the kids face. 

His heart nearly sank, when he noticed Peter staring into the ground; face littered in purplish red markings. His bottom lip looks swollen, dry blood crusted onto the corners of his mouth.   
Happy wanted to say something, but he didn't wanna step out of line, or cross any boundries; so they sat in a long awkward silence throughout the rest of the drive. 

Soon we made it to the tower, the view would never cease to amaze him. His Eyes held a familiar sparkle as he studied the tall tower, just barely scraping against The clouds in the sky.   
Happy lead him into the tower, and they silently Went into the elevator, to the 5th floor. 

Tony's POV 

I waited up for a while, for peter to get here; eventually getting bored. So I toyed a little with the new suit I had been working on, in hopes that they'd get here soon.

Minutes later, Peter shows up followed by a very concerned happy standing behind him.   
He made eye contact shrugging his shoulders, then looks down at peter. What I see is absolutely devastating, but I don't really wanna make a big deal out of it so I just say "Hey there kid, how ya holdin up?" 

He looks up at me, and once the light hits his face he squints through his bruised, swollen face. "Things have been..just fine Mr. Stark." He says casually walking past me toward the suit with an obvious fake smile plastered on his lips. 

"Huh." I breathed. I decided to change the subject, but immidiately my heart ached with worry.   
I started explaining what I was working on. It was awkward at first, because I looked so involved with the discussion. Eventually I went on auto-pilot, and continue to talk to him.  
This damage seems a little to severe to be an accident from patrol. I know Muggings get bad, but that's what the webshooters were for. This seemed almost intentional. I felt my body break into a sweat, as I observed the kid. 

Then I remembered, I haven't really been keeping in touch with him as much as I used to. His aunt may surely would have noticed these kinds of injuries...right?   
She seemed so sweet when I met her but there was something off about that situation. I remembered getting negative vibes as soon as I walked into the apartment, but Peter seemed to love his aunt may. Maybe there's someone else that's in his life, but surely he would've told me about that. 

I shook my head of The pondering thoughts that run through my mind, and decided to try my best to get to the bottom of the situation without seeming suspicious. 

I realised he got the jist of what I was explaining, "all I need you to do is help me rebuild these blasters so I can install them in the back of my new suit. And I'll be over here designing and modeling the Helmet. Okay?"  
He nodded, "of course Mr. Stark."   
Then scurried off to work. 

As the time passed, it eventually got really late.   
I was gonna try and ask how aunt may was doing, but when I looked over I saw him hunched over, fast asleep, resting his head on his hands. 

I was gonna wake him but, once I saw his eyes against the dim glimmer of the desk lamp, I noticed dark circles around both eyes; including the bruised swollen one.   
I sighed and stood up. Then I regretted that immidiately   
When he flung his head up, smacking it into a lamp "I'M SORRY PLEASE DO-" he shot up rushed around looking at me with his face drenched in pure horror. "Woah, hey kid relax its just me." I spoke calmly holding up my hands approaching him.   
I went to put my hand on his shoulder... then he flinched.   
Why would he think I was going to hurt him? 

"Hey, you okay?" I asked getting down meeting his eyes. "I um I'm fine sorry for the trouble Mr stark." He grabbed his phone and looked at the time.   
"Oh No!" He yelled "He's gonna be so mad" he started freaking out again. 

He? "Who's he?" I asked   
"H-He's my step dad... my guardian now.. since may died...I've gotta go I'm probably already in trouble sorry Mr. Stark!" He sped through his words, and flew through the elevator with the doors sliding shut behind him before I could manage to say anything. 

I caught the next elevator following close behind him.

I charged through the door, chasing after him.  
I tried yelling, "Hey Kid!!! Wait a minute!" But before I knew it he was gone...not a trace to be found. 

May was dead, and some guy took him in? This was the first I was hearing of this, did happy know?   
I started getting really frustrated. 

I rode back up to the lab, then trudged irritably through the doors as the slid closed.   
That guy he's living with has something to do with this I just know it.   
"Hey Friday, contact Karen and try to get the latest info on Peter's whereabouts, also study that Monitor I installed in his suit so I can see what's going on."   
He replied hastily. "Yes sir." Then says, "got it done sir." 

I've gotta Figure out what's going on. Who the hell is hurting him, and why was he wearing A hoodie in 90° weather?


	3. [3]

My bones rattled, as fear pulses through my veins. I had just managed to make it out of stark tower, and into an alley way to change. 

It was 4:47 pm when I Finished suiting up, and repeatedly shot webbing at building after building as fast as I could possible Go. 

"Peter?" A concerned robotic voice asks. "H-Hey Karen I'm kind of in the middle of so-"   
"You have an incoming call from   
Tony Stark", she cuts me off as I swing through town. "-Aw C'mon Karen don't!!-"   
I tried to tell her not to answer but, I was startled by Tony's nervous voice "hey pete? Why'd you run off so quick, happy coulda given you a ride". 

"Y-Yeah-sorry-thanks  
gotta-go-love-you-bye" the words poured through my mouth so fast they were almost difficult to understand. And slammed the button on my wrist to hang up before I could swing again.

Then something dawned on me, and i felt my cheeks burn.   
" Did I seriously just say love you to Mr Stark ?" I asked allowed.   
"Yes" Karen replies rather bluntly. 

Time skip 

I eventually made it back to the apartment.   
My body Felt so weak, as I climbed up the wall and slid through my open window. I crawled up the wall, and onto the ceiling, I webbed the door, slowly and quietly sliding it shut. Before I got down I thought for a minute and i whispered allowed obliviously "uh..ned?" I got no reply, so I knew the same thing wasn't about to go down again like before. 

I quitely took off my suit and slid into my bed, and curled under the covers staring at my phone screen. I looked and saw 9 unread messages 

Michael: you better not be At that God damn internship or I'm gonna whoop your fucking ass.  
Received: 4:30 pm 

Michael: hey bitch-boy, don't forget Be home by 5 or you're in deep shit when you get home.   
Received: 4:49 pm 

Michael: hey Dipshit I thought I told you to be home by 5   
Received: 5:00

Ned: hey Peter are you okay? I haven't seen you since 6th hour, and you didn't look so good  
Recieved: 3:56 pm 

MJ: Hey loser, where were you at lunch today?  
Received: 2:15 pm 

Flash: hey Penis parker,   
Why don't you just go fucking kill yourself. Everyone knows you're just a lying sack of shit.   
Received: 5:01 pm 

Flash: hey penis parker, you better finish my homework, And make it, perfect. If not   
You know what's coming   
Received: 4:55 pm

Michael: HEY BITCH BOY YOU'RE IN DEEP SHIT NOW   
Received: 5:05 pm 

Unknown number: Peter, it's Tony. Call me.   
Recieved: 5:00 pm 

It was 5:07 when I felt the tears roll down my cheeks. I hid under the blanket crying for almost 30 minutes before I here my phone Ring, and i jumped to turn it off. 

I tried turning it off, but hit a random button that drove it into silence. I didn't know what I pressed, but I knew the phone was silent and that's all that mattered. Afterwords I listened closely to any sound, or sign that Michael is coming.   
I let out a sigh of relief. Forgetting that my life sucks, and things don't ever end my way. Even when I really need a break. 

Suddenly there was a loud noise that broke the silence. Loud stomping up to where I am. 

I stared in sheer horror, as I heard his approach with my enhanced hearing. 

Caution, run away, danger

I ignored my senses, stuck frozen. I was so scared I couldn't move. I felt completely helpless ass the tears Trickled down my swollen cheeks.  
He broke the door, screaming at the top of his lungs. 

"WHAT DID I SAY HUH? WHAT DID I SAY?!" He spat, then clenched his teeth  
"P-Please." I managed to yelp, feeling helpless and terrified;  
Knowing it wouldn't have done anything. 

he drags me from the bed by my ankle and slams my head down against the, ice cold floor.   
"W-Wait I'm Sorry! Please!" I yelped, again in hopes he would at least stop and think, although I knew he wouldn't no matter what. 

Then, there was this subtle tingle in my brain, as I looked into his demon like eyes when he bashes his fists into my face. Repeatedly.   
"DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO FUCK WITH ME?!?" he screams in my face. I...would've tried to free myself if the voice in my mind would've allowed me to. 

Stop struggling peter, you know you deserve this, you let half your family die. 

"IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S GONE!!! NOW I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR PATHETIC, UNGREATFUL ASS" he screamed through his teeth. rage filled his eyes, to pools of Darkness. For some reason, I saw a glint of fire in the center.   
I stopped struggling, and my body started giving out, as everything Went in slow motion. 

The fear Had held me captive. When I struggled I found myself hurting even more. It was then i realised, maybe I'm not good enough to be spider-man   
Maybe I'm not even good enough   
to be Peter parker.   
Maybe I should just die.   
I hate my life. So much. 

Eventually, I found relief in his strong hands. They overpowered me more times then i can count, but they've made every beating bearable. Because as soon as he coils his Huge strong hands around my neck, I always found myself slipping into a Sea of Darkness; and fade into unconsciousness.


	4. [4]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recap: Eventually, I found relief in his strong hands. They overpowered me more times then i can count, but they've made every beating bearable. Because as soon as he coils his Huge strong hands around my neck, I always found myself slipping into a Sea of Darkness; and fade into  
> Unconsciousness.

Tonys pov

After Noticing Peter had left me on read, I muttered to myself "that's odd". Usually peter replied seconds later. Not to mention, I had called him as soon as he left, but he rushed to hang up; so I assumed the kid must've been busy web slingin his way home.   
Then I reminded myself of the horrified look in his eyes when I woke him up....

Not wanting to remind myself of that; I shook my head of my thoughts and go to call him again. After this, If he didn't answer I was thinking of maybe calling it a night. 

So when I called, I expected it to ring, until 'the caller you have reached is unavailable' lady decided to say something,  
But I didn't expect him to answer. and certainly didn't expect such a dead silence when the kid answered. 

"Hey kid I was a just check-"   
I was cut off, by sound of a crackled plea. "P-Please!" The voice Rings in my head listening abruptly to my phone. Concern ebbed at my bones, I found myself tear up inside when I here the kid again "W-Wait I'm Sorry! Please!"   
He chokes out, and minutes later I slam my hand on the counter and start yelling through the phone   
"Peter! Can you hear me?! Are you okay?!? What's going on?" 

No one seemed to respond. Eventually I heard some guy in the background Screaming   
"WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY?!" Before it had immidiately hung up. 

The gut wrenching sounds of his pleading, infuriated me. My skin was crawling with anger at that Man. Before I could Call my suit, I realised someone was behind me.   
I rushed around trying to control my temper. When I met a woman with striking Green eyes, and flaming red hair. 

I recognized it to be Natasha Ramanoff, or black widow; realized she held a look of concern and pitty, "you know I could hear that from in the hall right?"   
I replied hastily, "Your black widow, Either way I'd expect that- what do you thinks going on?"   
She pursed her lips, before muttering. "Honestly, we can't really be sure unless we Test my theory... but I might know." 

"Theory on what?!" I snapped obviously agitated. "What's going on?!" 

"Well...you have seen the way he's been acting lately right? Sudden change in behavior, long sleeves, the occasional turtle neck, the flinching...isn't it obvious?" She approached me tilting her head. 

I had to think about it for a moment...."it's that man he's living with I just know it." I said  
and She looked at me, "no shit Sherlock." I groaned and say on the couch next to my work table.   
I put my head in my hands, trying my best to quell my anger.   
"You have to admit it before you can do anything about it!" She yelled "You know what's happening! He's being abused!"  
She kept on and I lifted my head in reply "What am I supposed to do? The kid wouldn't even talk to me." She looked surprised, then remorseful, "show him you're there, and that you care. He'll open up if he trusts you, but you need to Trust in him to do just that." She pulled something from her chest, but I was too stressed out to make a comment. I just looked up to find her twirling a dagger in her fingers, like it's a children's toy, "while you sit here and feel sorry for yourself for not noticing sooner, I'm gonna go pay Michael a visit."

I sighed in defeat, and pulled out my phone. To text him- maybe give a heads up- in full doubt he's probably not going to answer. 

-  
-  
-  
Peter's Pov 

When I woke up from what seemed like a dead sleep, I had realised I was drenched in Blood. After Inhaling that metalic scent,   
Chills shot up my spine; and My senses weren't making things any easier, something's coming, something's coming, something's near, something is almost here. 

It was like I was awake, but only in my mind. I stared ominously at the cracked door, noticing more blood splattered against the tan, walls. The colours would mesh, making it look like throw up. 

'My everything hurts.' I said in my mind. I feel like I can hear my voice but at the same time i can't. I know my eyes are wide open.   
My ears rang; only faintly I could hear gasps and murmurs. 

Eventually the ringing stopped, but I wished for it back instantly as my senses picked up my surroundings. Static, shattered my mind. I couldn't move my body and it felt like needles Were pressing against every cell in my body. 

Is this what death feels like?  
Why have i become so used to this feeling so quickly? 

'Because we deserve it.' Something or someone answered in my mind. Why do you think we've woken Peter?   
"TT-To writhe in pain". I answered out loud in a slight whisper.  
Exactly. 

I couldn't tell whether or not I was Speaking, or Just thinking. My head was swimming, and I felt like throwing up. My chest burned, when My body sprung up, in reaction to something tapping on me. 

When I looked around, nothing was there. It was just me, and the voices in my head.   
Run, Peter run Help me please!!!  
Peter help me! Run run Run   
RuN rUn RuN rUn, HELP HELP PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU   
Something's coming run   
Run run run RUN.

Back and forth the voices would protest, and my chest was getting really tight. When I felt my cheeks, I found tears pooling from my eyes, and my body was shaking.   
I pulled my hand back to study my tears, and mixed blood but then... I couldn't breath. My chest was so tight, and i couldn't feel myself gasping for air, but I knew I was because suddenly I was wheezing.   
I stumbled up, and ran to the closet. I slammed the door behind me and curled up into a Ball. 

The voices kept Whispering, run Peter run, run Peter run.   
Run Peter run. 

I SAID RUN! the voice snapped, and i held my hands at both sides of my head. I didn't know how else to calm myself other than to rock back and fourth. "Stay calm, it'll be okay, stay calm." My faint whimpers were the only thing you could hear; they broke my rooms silence.   
The tears just kept flowing, and i couldn't calm myself down. Through the crack of the closet door i could see where the floor was painted red. I could see the little white specs of chipped teeth. I could see broken glass, and cracked beer bottles. 

All through the crevice of the closet door. 

The voices dimmed down for a bit, and i started being able to breathe again. I've realised when I concentrate on things, it tends to calm me down, but this time when the voices came back, they seemed very dark. They seemed evil, and demonic, and That horrified me.

Why are we wallowing in our own self pity, when we could Slit the pain away?   
Because I'm better than that.   
In what way?   
....

Mr stark drinks, Michael shoots up, and aunt may used to pop pills. What makes a few scars any different?  
.....  
But I'm spider man I'm supposed to be a hero...  
Well we're not doing a very good job at it, considering we lost our family due to your own selfishness.   
Yeah... 

I sighed, and reached out to grab the small black shoe box   
This will help us forget Michael   
This will help us forget about spider man   
This will help us forget about the pain.   
How is it going to help me forget about my pain, if I'm the one inflicting it onto myself?   
We'd much rather worry about our physical pain, than our worthlessness, correct?   
.....

I opened it up, and chose the sharpest of the pile.   
Before I knew it, my arms were saturated in dark red liquid.   
It would pool all over the floor, it seemed as though it was just red ink, spilling from my arms.   
I used that ink, to write myself a personal message on the wall. 

I hate my life.

It read, almost gleaming against the faint moonlight cutting through the cracks of the closet door. The tears never stopped falling, until I drifted off into a heavy dreamless sleep.


	5. [5]

Natoshas pov 

Moments after discussing the issue with peter, I found myself angrily driving as fast as possible to get to the address Tony gave me.

Something felt off about this, as if just confronting him would be too easy. It could just be my 'assassination instincts' talking; considering I always expect the worst.   
So when I finally pulled over in front of a seemingly abandoned apartment complex; i noticed The bricks from the outside were chipping away, along with some old graffiti paint. The Windows looked boarded up, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed liquor store just down the street. 

I approached keeping my head high, all senses were out and working, absorbing every piece of information around me. I knocked on the door twice, and ended up coughing on the dust built up on the door.

I waited a while, and got no answer, so then i knocked again.   
Eventually I'm standing here for nearly 10 minutes knocking impatiently before reaching into my hair. I pulled out that spare bobby pin I always keep stashed away, (just in case) and quickly picked the lock.

I kicked open the door   
Before looking over the place in astonishment at the site, it was completely empty.  
Isolated, but still there were cobwebs and spiders resting in cracks and small shadows of the room. 

but then; come to think of it, we have lost track of the kid's where abouts alot recently, so it makes since that they'd probably moved, but I had to ask myself; why wouldn't peter tell Tony if he was moving?...wait maybe this is a red flag all together.

Maybe Peter was to scared to say anything because of that guy.   
Maybe that guy scared Peter into silence for a cover, and he moved to a different address so that we couldn't butt into his life, and pluck him out of that environment.

But if that's the case, maybe we shouldn't come to him directly...  
we could scare him away and that won't help anybody. We need a way to secretly catch the abuser in action, without Peter's knowing, so that we don't scare him away. 

Just as I rambled in my mind, I had realised I'd been on auto-pilot when I notice I'm making my way back to the tower, safely driving in my car. 

Then I stopped at a beaming red Traffic light, and spaced out into the Peek of the pole where the objects intersect, and i notice the traffic surveillance camera.

It is my job to notice everything everywhere I go, and you're supposed to notice traffic lights (Duh) but the cameras not so much, obviously for specific reasons  
#1 to take pictures, of people breaking the law, hints the 'seat belts save lives' sight posted On the center of the pole.   
#2 to catch things in the night that cops can't always catch criminals based on physical evidence, sometimes they look over the cameras for evidence of things that might occur outside the public eye. 

Someone abruptly honks, waking me from my Thoughts. I slam on the pedals then, stop while revving my engine just to scare the inpatient little bitch who decided to honk at me. 

As I continue driving and spacing out, an idea hit me...what if we had some sort of camera hidden on Peter so that we could catch the man in crime. 

Of course I'll probably need to go over it with Tony, he'll know what to do and exactly what to make. 

Tony's Pov

After Nat came back, she returned with news, instead of peter.  
She had explained to me what happened, and that address written on his contract form wasn't real. She tried convincing me that They may have moved over the months we stopped talking to Peter. I don't doubt that they moved of course, but I doubt the fact that it wasn't to do with Peter all together. Last time I checked when people usually move they upgrade or downgrade, and it's due to financial consequences. 

Good consequences: meaning maybe the family is making alot more money and can finally aford this or  
bad consequences: meaning they're either evicted or can't afford to live anywhere but a cheep small apartment or maybe even a long term motel.

She gave me the idea, as to what we could do to figure things out, but she also warned me   
"It could potentially damage that relationship between you, if he figures out we violated his privacy like that."

"Relax I've got everything under control." I said with a smirk.  
"Well you'd better, that kid is A hell of a good actor, if it turns out this man-  
I cut her off, "you mean when we catch him red handed."  
"Then we need to do anything we can to help him, that boy doesn't deserve a life like what he's been living through."

I sighed, but more Of a sad sigh then one of frustration. "That's why I'm taking control, like I usually do."   
She scoffed at me.   
"Hey F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Pull up those blue prints, used to make   
red-wig." Minutes later a holographic picture appears in the center of the room after the lights automatically dimmed. 

"Now shave off some of the extra armer, and get rid of the weapons." The picture then sorted itself out, bits and pieces disappearing. Then after a few seconds the thing looked naked. But still huge and obviously noticeable. 

"Try to shrink it down, into something a little smaller, less On the radar". 

Natasha smiled, then turned and left the room. I got to work as fast as I could. I ended working to the bone, I needed to get this done for Peter's sake. There was no time in my life for sleep. 

Peter's Pov 

I woke up at 3 o clock in the morning. I really really really wished I didnt. I really just wish, that I never woke up.

Eventually the blades called unto me, and I just couldn't ignore. Literally Before I knew it I was slashing at my wrists faster and faster, sinking The blade into my flesh and tearing it across my forearms.  
Bloody tears would seep through my eyes.

I let out small crackled whimpers when I realised I had Been so distracted with my blades, that I'd have to be perfectly ready to go to school in a few hours.

By the time I checked my phone, it was already 4:37 am. And for some reason I had decided to slide on my suit and go out for a late night...or I mean an early morning patrol. 

At first when I heard soomething I thought maybe it might've been the demons in my head, protesting, my return, only to wallow in my own self pity, but I needed to get out of there.


	6. [7]

Peter's Pov 

I Patrolled the city, without further hesitation. I slung myself from building to building, and occasionally Would spider crawl up the taller ones. 

Eventually I found myself at the Peek of a large water tower, near Some sort of bridge. 

I sigh and Stare at the long Dark road, contemplating my life. I wondered what I could make of myself one day-- if I'd even be qualified to save other people all the time-- when I can't even save myself. 

I knew I was already in trouble, so heading back wasn't what I was so anxious about, it was the   
Immidiate River of chills that scurried up my back.


	8. [8]

Peter's Pov 

"HELP SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!!" A shriek could be heard in the distance. I swung down from Where I was perched for so long. 

When I had finally moved my skin stung. I had to push through the pain. 

My bones crackled and pop with every swing. "Peter, you are not in The right condition to be saving anyone. Your body needs time to heal." Karen's voice echoed throughout my mind, and i just ignored her. "PLEASE ANYBODY!!! I HAVE MY BABY!!!!" 

After working my way towards where the piercing Sound, had come from. 

There seemed to have been an intense wreck in the center of The golden gate bridge. 

A car was slowly, but surely Sliding back. My eyes focused on The screaming woman. A look of Pure Fear, seemingly riddled with adrenaline as she reached through the back of her large black mini- van. 

The Windows were tented but the back one was shattered, leaving an opening where I could see   
The Blood red face of a Crying baby. A face of horror as its mom tries reaching for it. 

I started moving faster, the wind whipped past my face so fast I could hardly breathe.   
I couldn't focus on My burning body, or the broken ribs. I couldnt think about Michael or even   
The pain I'm in. 

I had to focus on moving fast enough to catch that car.   
And save both the women and her baby. No matter What. 

In most stories of mine, I usually get a happy ending. You'd expect that, I am your friendly neighborhood spider-man, but this one. The one That's Tied into this small family...this Story.   
Shatters. 

Right before my eyes. 

I swung as fast as possible; tried so hard. Ignoring every splitting ache or pain in my body to land on the very top. 

I Webbed the center and let myself fall.   
The car had now completely drifted to the point where it was falling- to the point where I could face this women.   
Through the Shattered open window and the mini flames in which ingulfed the windshield wipers. 

Her eyes Were glossed, with horror. 

The car slid farther. And I thrust my hands in front of my body, as the Webbing Leaped from both wrists; with a Hiss. 

The webbing shot out, just barely grasing the tips of the woman's fingers, attaching to the seat.   
The entire van came to immidiate hault. 

The woman's voice shook throughout my mind. "NOOOOOOO" as her body exploded through the back window of the van. The babies body following. I felt my body slam into the center of the van. 

I could only see the woman falling, the way her expression marked my mind as Her life flashed before her eyes.   
"Peter, your heart rate is exelerating and you're running out of oxygen. You seemed to have 7 cracked ribs, a fractured knee and there is a piece of metal in your-" 

Karen's voice Muffled behind the sound of my body crashing into The water. 

I was welcomed by the darkness, every single thought swam around my mind. I felt like I was trapped. I couldn't breath, or move, or beg for Karen's oddly comforting voice, I could only be pulled farther and farther into the water, and swollowed up by the darkness. 

The same darkness that Remains forever in a void;  
An endless pit of gut wrenching thoughts, and memories. 

My final hope, was too finally escape this mad world.


	9. [9]

Peter's Pov 

 

More people have died because of Us!!!!

People have suffered, because of our ignorance. 

Lives were at steak because Of the one thread of nature had to be pulled. 

To be strone around our necks and Strangle us to death, unless We agree to our fate. 

Unless we let our fate take over us. Because We were robbed of our childhood and happiness we've been forced to become a hero. 

I slashed the blade across my arms, over and over again until I my arms were hidden behind Two thick sleeves of blood. 

I found myself hiding away in the closet, an hour before my alarm decides to wake. 

I couldn't get those Images out of my mind, and i couldn't bare to let it go. 

It was our fault may was gone,   
It was our fault our parents Left  
It was our fault a family had been shattered. A rather Small one, but a family none the less. 

The world seem Bitter and cold;  
But never would I imagine something this horrifying happening, let alone Before my very eyes.   
I just couldn't stop Ruining lives for some reason.

~

3rd person 

 

Slowly days came as quickly as they left.   
Every evening Peter was Beaten to a pulp by Michael, for Just about everything that's ever involved the two getting stuck together, forced to live as a family. 

Every night Michael would drink, and make a mess. Leaving pill bottles and purple coated Plastic cups.   
Syringes Condom rappers. Even Empty Chip bags. Eventually Peter gave up on keeping things clean. 

He'd go to school fake a smile, fade out away from the cloud.   
He'd go to The tower for lab days, and try as hard as possible to put on a fake smile. 

But Everyone, noticed his Wincing. Everyone noticed his Wardrobe in which seemingly consists of Long sleeved shirts and jackets. 

Even when the weather started Heating up, he'd wear long sleeves. This concerned Tony on a number of levels. 

Not to mention the news story of Spider-Mans failed attempt at Saving a women and her baby.   
Or the Sudden disapearance of spider-man all together. 

Now this Raised an awful lot of red flags from Tony's perspective, but he's still working on the mini cam. 

Tony is doing everything humanly possible, to get proof Of this man's evil actions; although The Mini cam is basically useless if not designed Into a more thorough and professional type of tech. 

He could've so easily spied on Peter's whereabouts from the nanny cam hidden in Peter's, suit- but since Spider-Mans disapearance, he couldn't observe him Considering the fact that The camera is apart of the suit. It can't just latch onto his body. 

But this one can. 

Eventually as He became absorbed into his work, he Drifted his Focus off the teen. And boy was this wrong. 

He felt his phone buzz and Quckly called his A.I. to answer, concern struck his heart when a voicemail starts playing. 

Peter Started speaking, as if he knew every word he was preparing to speak would hurt him more physically rather than emotionally. 

It came out shakily. "Hey...Da-  
Mr...stark... 

"I uh. Some things in my life have happened. Things that were not only traumatic but, overwhelming. I-I've stared...death right in the face. Every day every....night- I-I just.   
I know you probably won't listen to this. But I want you to know, you were one of the best people in my life. You Were there for me, like no Parental future in my life ever was. I-I um... I thank you for that. I'm sorry for messing up all of the time, I'm sorry for trying to Change this world for The better; because I just know I only make things worse. I'm sorry for my irresponsible actions, and I'm sorry if I've ever doubted you.   
I'm sorry for Lying to you, every Day. I'm sorry for ruining your reputation. Im sorry for the deaths of All of these people on my watch. I'm sorry for Not being the hero, you wanted. And for being a useless...mutant child.  
I'm sorry for being unable to fake this happiness for so long. I'm sorry for Not being Strong enough.  
I'm sorry, I-I'm just so sorry. "

"I-I'm sorry."

"I need to make it to where, no one can Feel this pain. I-I need to make it to where no one has to lose their life because I was weak."

"Because I couldnt save them."

"M-Miachael has it out for me. I wouldn't worry...for his concern.   
You've always been l-like a dad to me. "

"I've looked up to you ever since the day you saved me.   
The mask I-I wore... didn't protect me like It did yours. And um. You s-saved me.  
Knowing me I'd never forget something like that. I don't think I'll ever forget you. Not even when the grave steals me away."

"I'm just..."

"I'm sorry I let you down...dad.  
I-I...I love you."

"Goodbye."


	10. [10]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠warning: graphic content, self mutilation, intense imigary , suicidal thoughts and actions   
> Viewer discretion is advised⚠  
> -  
> -  
> -  
> -  
> -

Tony's Pov 

"GOD DAMMIT!!!" I threw my phone down, and it shattered into a million pieces. I called my suit to me, And tracked down that call as fast as I possibly can. 

Tears Pooled from my eyes, I could hardly think straight my head was spinning.  
"C'mon kid Please don't  
Leave me." I muttered Flying back and forth from one place in the sky to the next. 

My chest grew tighter and tighter. I ignored every warning my A.I. gave me. I don't care if I'm having a God damn panic attack!!!! I just want to save my Kid!!

I bolted as fast as I possibly could. I tried so hard to blink away the tears, but they only blinded me with every mile i grew closer to that location. 

I Landed In front of a Large apartment and Kicked the door down. 

That evil, sadistic man who hurt my Kid whipped his head away from a TV and i stormed over to him, fuming mad. 

I grabbed the collar of his shirt; dragged him off the couch, and slammed his body against The Wall. "Where. The FUCK. is My kid?!?" I snapped through my  clenched teeth. Obviously Boiling mad. 

He just Scoft. 

"Dead for all I care." His lips curled up, into a wide Crocodile Grin. 

Peter's Pov 

Although the days melted away like candle wax,   
The world had finally shrank down. 

It was just me, and the blade. 

Alone together. 

I had no clue why life had to turn out like this, until today.   
It's because of Us

I'm trapped in this world, without this blade. 

Without it I'm nothing.

Sooner or later I hear a knock at my door, and i emerge from the shadows.  
It slowly creeps open, and a Silver box Is slid through the crevice, before slamming back shut.

A lock can be Heard, on the outside of the door.   
I felt ny chest immidiately grow tighter and tighter. My left hand slowly approached the silver box 

When I opened it I couldn't believe what I found.

A note that read, "i got a call from the school about this. Knock yourself out."

I slowly opened the box, and a pile of blades sat inside.  
Once I crack it open I study them, with serious eyes. 

The blades held a Slight glint against the light peeking in around the doors hinges. 

I finally warm up to my decision, and started slicing the blade up my left wrist, and before I could try to other one,  began to see dark splotches Into my vision 

And the darkness stole my vision once again.

But just before my eyes closed, I could barely feel the vibration, through the ground, with the door behind me slamming open.

And I seemingly faded away with that final thought.

Tony's Pov

I know found myself at my knees in Peter's bathroom, pulling him up from the pool of blood, on the floor.

There wasn't much of a scent, but i scrunched my nose, at the sight. It felt like my heart had just been torn from my chest, and thrown into a garbage disposal. 

I pulled him close to me, as I blasted through the roof at high-speed. 

"Friday scan for a pulse."  
"Already on it sir." Replies my A.I.   
Quickly. "There seems to be a pulse, but it's very feint, sir." She calls back. I mutter profanities under my breath before saying "call Bruce and tell him to get med bay ready." "Yes, sir." 

The wind Pulled on the boys curls as we flew to the tower. I couldn't help but glance down at the broken boy dangling in my arms. He weighs almost Nothing. His ribs don't feel right, now that I really focus on the way he seems to be breathing. Slowly I notice his breathes are hitching, and i pick up the pace.

"Please don't die, kid. Come on." I whimpered as we approached the landing pad.


	11. [11]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠Trigger Warning: self-mutilation, thoughts of suicide intense imigary, severe injuries   
> Viewer discretion is advised⚠  
> -  
> -  
> -  
> -  
> -  
> -

Tony's Pov 

We've just gotten the kid to med bay. I'm pacing Back and fourth in the hall, pooring with sweat.  
The team slowly fills up the room, while I just keep walking up and down, staring at the ground.

They probably thought I've just about lost my mind right now, but I didn't care. I couldn't get those Images out of my head. His Body was horribly beaten up.

The bruises have practically tattood themselves into my brain, and that's not counting all the scars on his arms, thighs. Just about any given space on his body, long pinkish brown lines, littered his skin- blood crusted onto his arms. 

There was one thick Deep Wound down the center of his left wrist, trailing up his forearm. 

I didn't know what to do at this point, what to think, what to say. All I could think about was How stupid it was for me to trust that man even for a month, I shouldn't have taken my time building some stupid bullshit spy camera; not when the proofs right here.

A broken boy Barely, just barely Alive in there. 

I had to force myself to depend on his enhanced Abilities for once. I had to force myself to believe that maybe they'd save him.   
I just couldnt yet grasp the concept of my Kid, being this...  
Suicidal, let alone Try to kill himself in One of the Most terrifying ways possible.

I just ignored every possible sign and focused on my work. I'm so Stupid. 

Peter's Pov 

There is a world of pitty surrounding me, and I'm trapped in the fortress of my mind. 

"We're still here."  
I squeaked at the sudden appearance. 'What? Who said that?'   
I called out to the voice.

I was surrounded by darkness.  
There was nothing but darkness.   
I could look down and sense my Legs running, I could sense them moving forward....but I couldn't see them. 

"Did you seriously think you could Get rid of us that easily?" It's voice sends shivers down my spine. Every time it speaks, my body trembles; slows me down. No matter how Fast I thought I was running, it was still there.

Right there. 

But where?????

"We're always going to be here,  
To remind you; how worthless you really are. You'll never Escape us.  
Because we aren't just a feeling."

"WE ARE YOU." 3 voices snap at once. My brain seemingly jolted. I felt my body whirl around, as if the voice had echoed from behind me. 

"Y-You Couldn't save my baby!!!! Why?!?!?" A voice calls from one side of my brain. "You couldn't save anyone if your life depended on it" something calls out in front of me. Why couldn't you save us Peter we're you're friends??" Calls out more voices. Where are you going peter," a voice similar to Michael's almost stops me, as I feel the sides my head throb. "PETER HELP ME!!!!! PLEASEEE!!!!!" A shriek from behind me makes something in my body, drop- yet I Still can't see anything but darkness.

The voices were Overwhelming me. I felt like my brain was about to explode.

I was running, a mind splitting pain, running through my left arm. I'm still running, my feet stomp against a thick heavy surface. I can't feel my body.  
I can't feel my heart, or my   
Chest rise and fall with every breathe I heave. I can't feel the vibration of my throat as I scream for help. 

"We are you, you are we. You're trapped here, with who?   
WITH WE!" A voice sings after me, as I run.   
I keep running. 

I can't stop running, until I feel my entire body slam against something, and all of my bones Crack. 

My body won't allow me to move, but my mind is awake.  
My conscience feels like, a Flickering light. It twitches in the Brink of my chest yet my body still isn't Strong enough to reunite with it. 

3rd Person POV

There is a world of pain, and misery; within the child   
That lays on that hospital bed.

It's always been so hard for him to cope, but today he's lost.  
Darkness consistently envelops him, although every day he faces so many obstacles.

The death of his parents.  
The death of his aunt, and uncle.  
The deaths of the innocent.

And he feels, as if his own   
Would resemble the many deaths he feels he's caused.  
He feels like he'll never be able to escape his own thoughts.  
He'll never be able to feel safe, and he'll never be able to make anyone feel safe, when he can't even say that for himself.

It all comes down on him.  
Like a collapsing building, or the heavy rain that falls over this Building, as he's obviously consumed by the ghost of a coma.

Bruce, is outside; trying to prevent the green guy from showing up. Tony, is pacing outside the door. Nat is staring into space, thinking of the many things she could've done- but didn't.  Thor, isn't here. He's probably not even received word of this, though Thor would probably take pity on him.

I mean Who wouldn't,  
It all Comes down on him.  
A hero, a friend, a nephew, a son, a cousin, an ex boyfriend,

A child.

Fighting to protect this earth every waking second. Whether he's mentally or physically feeble.  
and Tony has nothing left to do, but suffer in his own thoughts.

'Why would he do this to me?!?' His demons Steel him away.   
Just like the same demon, that Nearly stole the life of a 15 year old boy. If Tony's right about one thing, it's the fact that

We all have our own demons.

But he's wrong if he thinks the one piercing Peter's mind is going to be destroyed.


	12. [12]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠trigger warning: self harm/mutilation, severe injuries. Viewer descretion is advised⚠  
> \-----------------------------------------------------------

[4 weeks later....]

Peter's Pov 

There was this, excruciating pain weighing down on my Abdomen.

I feel my eyes barely Fluttering open, as I am welcomed by a flickering light Beaming down on me. 

My chest rose, and fell after I felt dozens of tubes and cords Escape impaled parts of my body.  
My skin, immidiately Starts burning. 

"Is he breathing?  
Check for a pulse."

"He's breathing, i think he's waking up, call in His guardian."

Muffled voices chatter around me

Without further Hesitation I  shoot up from my current position; in which seemingly I had been laying down.

I took deep, Sharp breathes   
It almost hurt just to try and breathe. My body soon began to quiver. 

"Get the Doctor now!!" Yells a nurse Rushing from one corner of the room to the other. "Peter? It's me, Bruce. I'm gonna need you to calm down can you do that for me?" A blurry Blob of flesh in the corner of my eye asks, with pure sympathy etched into his voice.

"I-I *gasp* W-What?!" I could barely stammer, I released a stifled squeek. "I-I was, *gasp*   
H-How *gasp*, d-did I *gasp*   
G-Get here?! *gasp*" I tried to make since, but it just wasn't working. 

"You were in a coma, for about a month, Peter." His voice trails into a muffled murmur, as my frame shook violently.

My vision slowly came back, and eventually I felt my Oxygen replenish. Relief filled my veins as I eased up. The man I now recognized as Bruce, rubbed circles on my back trying as hard as possible to sooth me.  
"Kid, i don't know why you're here. But If I'm being honest, i think you already know." He Says, giving me a knowing yet Sympathetic gaze. He told me, he was going to get Tony then scurried out of the room, leaving me to my over-whelming thoughts.

The words sunk into my mind, and it was only a few seconds before the events of that night played through my mind.   
My chest Started getting tight again, and it felt like a swarm of Wasps, were now piercing the wall of my stomach. 

I glanced down at my arms, noticing they were sleeveless.  
I looked into a small mirror that was left at the corner of the room, and I watched the Boy in the mirror. He looked as if he were truly reveling over the crippling pain that Stings his Insides.

That sting my insides. 

My eyes were dark-rimmed, purple welts scattered across my Shoulders.  
The bruise that was given Earlier from michael, had slowly sunk into my eye socket itself. 

I pulled the collar, of my white paper-thin hospital gown; to reveal hues, of Dark purple lining My neck.   
The only part of my body that seems to be Left unharmed is my left collar bone, in which there was a bruise there but it gently fades like the last pedals of summer, kissed purple and yellow as the hue of my skin returns. 

I tried to move my left hand up, to trace my Fingers amongst the dark red lines that trail up my arms, but a crippling pain Shoots up my left forearm.

The pain throbs in my guts, it's deep and warm. It feels like someone's rangling My insides, like hands are being wrapped around my heart and squeezing.

I wince as the pain recoils without mercy. 

The Tears Burst fourth like water from a dam. I can't believe I survived this, why the hell did I have to live? Why the hell do the gods punish me like this? All I've ever done was risk my life saving other people! 

I feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child. I looked toward the wall, as if maybe I could find comfort in These dull tan walls.

Static fills my head, I'm guessing This is A side effect to the constant pain I'm forced to live with, every Day of my life. 

I can only hear myself and the lingering static.   
My sounds, like a distressed child Raw from the inside.   
The sobs punched through, ripping through each of my muscles.Muffled sobs wracked against my heart, as I hugged my knees to my chest; burying my head in my Blood stained arms. 

The world turned into a blur, and eventually so did the room around me. 

I didn't wanna live. I didn't want to be here, or alive at all. I just wanted to die. 

We just want TO DIE!! A familiar voice slithers into my mind. And for once, i actually didnt fight back. I deserved this. I deserve   
the pain I'm in.

Tony's Pov 

The world around me fell into a light chatter as I carried on my conversation over the phone with pepper. 

We talked about Peter and once again she talked me out of an anxiety attack.   
She helped me forget the Consistent pain in my chest.   
I was finally calm. 

I was in my lab, Making suit upgrades; trying to forget this, feeling. I didn't understand why I felt so deeply for the kid, but Right now hes on death row.

I just want him to be okay.   
Maybe I can adopt him, if he comes out of this. I hate to admit things like this, it's just so cheesy, but I love Peter like a son. 

He's my kid. 

The elevator doors swoosh open revealing a shocked Bruce staggering towards me.   
"Tony I just came to let you kno-

"Yeah yeah yeah, i get it I need to stop moping around and get off my ass, Maybe go 'super heroing'  
Well guess what it's not-

"Tony would you just listen to me for a sec-" he so rudly interupts me. 

"I won't listen to you until my kid is okay. Now if you'll excuse me  
"TONY HE'S AWAKE!!" Bruce eventually snaps, a tint of green within his gaze. 

It took me a minute to register what he had said. "He's awake?"   
I still didn't really understand.

But then it clicked, and i jolted   
Up from my spot. "HE'S AWAKE!!!!" 

I hurried off with bruce, as we made our way towards med bay.  
There was still this weird feeling, pushing down on my chest. It didn't necessarily feel like an anxiety attack, but it drew a lump in my throat. 

When we finally made it the Doctor gave us a few minor details, before I shoved passed him into a room that reeked of Death, and Medicine. 

I stumbled in to face, the broken boy. 

He looked up in suprise, trembling. Tears drenched his face, and i immidiately fell into the cot. Despite his flinching I pulled His porcelin frame close to me, holding Him against my chest.

"I-Its...It's gonna be okay kid."


	13. [13]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Tony talk but, how exactly was he expecting this to go in the first place???
> 
> Peter loses himself in his own thoughts, and finally goes over board. 
> 
> Will Tony notice What's going on, and save Peter from his own demons before it's too late?

⚠trigger warning: self harm/mutilation, severe injuries. Viewer descretion is advised⚠  
\-----------------------------------------------------

Peter's Pov 

"I-Its...It's gonna be okay kid."   
Those words, gave me Relief.  
I can't recall the last time, I felt like that if I'm being honest.

I know I had flinched away from his touch at first; however I was greatful, he Brushed that off. 

I'm spider-man. I shouldn't be Curled up in a ball let alone crying into anyone's chest, but at the moment I didn't care.  
For one moment; I felt like every problem I had ever Dealt with, had demolished. 

"I-I'm sorry, I-" my voice cracked  
"Save it kid. I'm just glad you're alive." It was almost 7 minutes before Mr. Starks arms subsided. 

When he did, my mind went back to the same state it was in before.  
But I bared with it. 

That little Problem was enough, to trigger a Tsunami of emotions. The crazy thing was that I'd been allowing myself to feel, and react to them. 

When I process this I remind myself of the many times I have shown a reaction, and had the living shit beat out of me. 

But why? Why did Michael hate me so much? Why couldn't he have killed me?

"We do, have alot to talk about though peter." I was relieved that Mr. Stark was now talking. I didn't want to keep thinking, I don't like feeling trapped in my thoughts like that.

"I-I know." I reply bluntly.   
His words only faded off into the muffled murmurs of Bruce and a few nurses in the room.  
I couldn't help the pounding, in my chest. My demon is clawing it's way out, through the center of my chest. 

Its only a matter of time until   
My world fades back to him. Slowly but surely I ease myself back into his words. The Subtle voice in my brain drives me to tilt my head.

"What the hell, is wrong with us?" The voice calls unto me. 

"We're sitting here. Crying.  
That woman and her child...they don't get to sit and cry, hell they don't get to live another day like we do.   
Why are we feeling so sorry for ourself?"

Mr. Stark snapped me away from the voice, "Peter. Are you listening to me??" He shook my shoulder.  
I nodded in reply, and his eyes Dart back and fourth uneasily.  
"Peter. Can I just ask you something?" He rubs his knees before standing up. 

I gazed up at him, and he Didn't hesitate before continuing although I didn't reply he knew I wasn't going to. 

"What the hell is going On with you?!? Did you even stop to think that there were people here, that wouldn't stand ANOTHER SECOND on this FUCKED UP planet Without you?!?" 

His 'humble words'...  
They were all it took to bring the demon out. And when he's out, he's Ready to play no matter who you are to me. No matter who anyone is to me. 

"You Really wanna know what I was thinking?!" I spat, rushing up. He furrows his eyes, and stiffens his posture. "I was thinking.." I replied trailing off.   
"What, were we thinking peter?  
we're the ones who have suffered not him, right?"  
The voice interjects, Within the safety of my thoughts. "Answer me Peter!!" He spat, scowling at me. 

I immidiately stood up, right in his face, and he slowly backed off. I eased back slightly, and rubbed my hair before pacing around the room. I eventually come to a halt, balling my hands up.

"You know what..?" I finally say.  
"Y-you just wouldn't UNDERSTAND!" I snapped staring into my clenched fists.

His gaze, softens. "What don't I understand peter?" Tony kept a concerned tone, never taking his eyes off me.

The voice, scoffed   
"of course, he wouldn't understand. What kind of god would even put us through this kind of pain?" 

"The pain I'm in." I finally murmured in reply, glaring daggars at him. 

He shuffled, finding The proper words to speak, and sighs.  
"Really??" His tone grew more stern. "Is that what you were thinking?? Cause sounds to me like-"I WAS THINKING I SHOULDN'T BE HERE!!!! I SHOULDN'T BE WALKING ANYMORE I'M THE REASON PEOPLE HAVE DIED!!!!!"

I angrily interupted; Fuming mad.  
Before I knew it the demon stole my voice, practically amplifying my anger. 

He looked over at me, some-what fear ridden and Some-what concerningly. 

I just gave him a deranged look.

"WE'RE THE GOD DAMN REASON AN INNOCENT FAMILY HAS DIED!!!!!!" We Both roared into his face, in unison.

"WE'RE THE REASON OUR FAMILY IS DEAD!!!"   
Tears would dampen my cheeks, I lost myself in A fit of anguish and rage. And for some odd reason every argument my demon actually makes seems...actually realistic. 

"YOU WANNA KNOW SUFFERING??????!!!!! TAKE A GOOOOOD LONG LOOK AT MY FUCKED UP LIFE?!? WE'VE BEEN BEATEN LIKE A RAGGDOLL EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY FOR 12 YEARS!!!!!!!!! 12!!!!  
My bones quivered, as he flinched back against the wall.

"WE'VE SAVED LIVES!!! NEARLY LOST OURS, SO MANY TIMES!!!!!!!" I slowly drew nearer and nearer, cornering him; with glossed, sympathetic eyes.   
He pitied me. He Fucking Pitied me!!!

"WE DON'T CARE!!!  
WE DONT GIVE A RAT'S ASS WHAT YOU OR ANYONE THINKS!!! DO YOU HEAR US?!?   
WE DON'T FUCKING CARE!!!! NOT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE KNOWS WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH NOBODY IN THIS GOD AWEFUL CITY COULD UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!"

I broke into tears, burrying my face in my hands. I went over to the hospital covered and tore out my web slingers. "You. Will never, understand. I was WITHERING AWAY long before you came along Tony WHY DON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE!!" I snarled, before slipping on the left one. 

He seemed speechless, but I ignored his protests as I shot myself out of there, forgetting about my wounds.

I winced as I felt the stitches in my left forearm rip open. But at this point, I didn't really care.   
I just wanted to go home. That's all that mattered at this point. 

The voices in my head returned after the 5th wince.   
"Whatever is wrong with us can't be helped. We're....a monster." 

"No no no." I replied trying hard to pay attention to my surroundings.   
"We'll never be able to escape this world. He's going to be breathing down our neck until the end of our pathetic lives, if of course we actually can end it."

"Just shut up. You're making me lose my mind!"   
"It's not like you needed help with that, you've already lost it years ago." It spat back. 

"I SAID SHUT UP!!" i snapped, as I latched onto another building.   
rt! I-It wasn't like that-  
"It doesn't matter if it is, or isn't really. Just kidding."   
It murmurs, as I felt a sharp pain surge from my elbow up. 

I let out a pained scream, before yanking myself up another skyscraper. I felt the pop of my ribcage, rattling against my Splean. My body Was barely holding on, and the apartment was almost half a mile away. 

 

~

 

"If we're already dying, why worry? It's not like we're even returning home for somebody."

I shook my head in disbelief, until finally stopping on the roof of another tower.   
There were 4 police cars, around my apartment.   
Michael sat in the back of one, scowling up at a cop who just slammed the car door. 

"The perks of the 'spidey sense' am I right? Or in our case...the perks of being controlled by Our own demons."  
I was so, broken already all I could do at this point was scoff. 

"We may not have died before, but..we can try again." 

I shook my head, before punching myself in the side repeatedly.   
"STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!! JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!" I Roared out loud.   
I fell down against the roof of wherever I am, crying again. Like I always do. 

I cried and cried, until finally I felt so dizzy, I was going to be sick. Then suddenly I remembered.........my arm. 

 

I whipped my head up, and pulled my left wrist right into view.   
Once again my arm is coated in a thick sleeve of blood but this timd, my hand is drenched too. 

I laughed. Breathing just a few more words, before plummeting forward over the side of the building.

 

"Please Aunt May.....

Take me home."


	14. [14]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recap: I fell down against the roof of wherever I am, crying again. Like I always do. 
> 
>  
> 
> I cried and cried, until finally I felt so dizzy, I was going to be sick. Then suddenly I remembered.........my arm. 
> 
> I whipped my head up, and pulled my left wrist right into view.   
> Once again my arm is coated in a thick sleeve of blood but this timd, my hand is drenched too. 
> 
> I laughed. Breathing just a few more words, before plummeting forward over the side of the  building.
> 
> "Please Aunt May.....
> 
>                   Take me home."

Peter's Pov 

I felt strong arms wrap around me, pulling me close.   
My body Was just too drained to take any real notice. 

It was odd, it didn't exactly feel like the wind was wipping past me, in fact it felt like There wasn't very much movement being made at all. I'm just laying in someone's arms. Accept, the fabric of his clothing rubbed against my flesh.

I opened my eyes slightly, to meet the gaze of...some sort of demonic figure with....Black and, sort of white eyes. 

He suddenly sat me down against some wall. "Hang in there, uh. Half-naked, Bleeding, Zombie dude. I'm gonna get you to safety. Just as soon as I fix your arm." He mutters alloud. I fluttered my eyes a little trying to see the figure a little better now. 

"W-who are you? Why...why didn't you just let me die?" My voice comes out raspy. He cocks his head looking up from the phone he was pulling out. "Oh. You're awake. Good, dont have to carry you anymore." He holds out his hand. 

"Pool. Deadpool. You were chilling on a building bleeding to death when me and my last Enemy Fought to the death. So after I killed him I took you out of there and now you're here." 

"What?? How did you...how did i??" I looked down, noticing I'm still in my hospital gown.   
And I'm half naked. Meeting another super hero. Great. 

"Oh, I've got you clothes if that's what you're freaked out about. That's why we're here." He pats my shoulder, before standing up and throwing himself through a window. "What the hell?!" I yell, before he whips the front door to a small apartment like house. 

He ran out And scooped my up in his arms before carrying me inside. "h-hey I can carry myself." I pressed but he shook his head. "Forgot. You were taking to long."

I rolled my eyes. And he placed me down on an old couch.   
The room smelt, of stale beer and candle wax.  
At the window hangs a curtain that could once have been a deeply unfashionable frock, beige with insipid flowers of dirty pink. Hank beams.

"Are you gonna tell me why I found you like that?" He asks stealing my attentiom. My muscles tense up at the question.

'Why? Why would it matter to him anyway? He only saved us to get us out of his way! Why else would he be so careless?'

"Like what?" I reply seemingly oblivious. "You know what I mean, you can't play stupid with me." My heart immidiately starts racing. 

"I-I was running, from someone."  
He sits down next to me. "Mind Telling me, who?"  
I was going to turn him down, but something just told me I could trust him. 

"Tony stark." I mutter, burrying my head in my hands. He doesn't look very suprised, "did he do this to you??"  
"W-WHAT? No! He um. It's just.."  
I tried to find the right words, but I couldn't help the stuttering. Questions like these are nerve racking. 

"We got in a big fight, at the hospital. I-I kind of just woke up from a coma."   
He rushes to his feet and runs over to his phone. "Wait What are you doing??"   
He gave me a look that basically read, 'are you freaking kidding me right now?'  
We knew deep down he'd betray us, he is a stranger after all.

"What does it look like?! I'm calling Tony! You could have some sort of head trauma! I've got alot on my plate, I don't need to take care of Some kid too." His words hurt...but I didn't care. 

It's not like I knew him.

I rushed up to my feet and grabbed my webshooters. "hey hey hey!!! Where the hell do you think you're going??" I roll my eyes, and scoff. "I'm not going back there. I don't need you and I don't need Tony." I snapped 

"Dude you're not even gonna put on those clothes??? Look what happened last time you ran away! I don't know you, kid. But I do know Damn sure that running away from help that you need isn't the way to go."

"We Don't Need HELP!!!!!"   
I snarled, once again in sync with my demon. "I found you bleeding to death on a roof! Not only that but you just told me you woke up from a coma!"  
"Isn't that what you wanted to know?!" I barked. 

He looked to the ground. "Yeah I guess so kid. I just don't wanna Get in any trouble for Helping you. The last time I tried helping a kid, he turned out to be crazy and plotted revenge against me. He nearly God me killed 7 times and I'm fucking DEADPOOL! I DON'T DIE!!" he raised his voice, and I stupidly flinched. 

"C-C'mon kid seriously?"   
I clenched my webshooters. "I don't want to get in your way. Its just that...I didn't even ask you to save me!!" I snarled. "I just don't wanna be alive anymore. And I don't want to go home, just to be put through hell because of the way I feel." 

I looked into the eyes of his mask.  
"Look...kid....I don't know who exactly you are. But I know...  
Life sucks. It does. Life is going to screw you over more times than even I can count. Look at me."   
He pulls off his mask, revealing an alien like marred face behind it. I couldnt help but allow my jaw to quiver. 

"I'm a mercenary. Oh yeah, and I CAN'T FUCKING DIE! last time I checked. Believe me, I tried. Everyday for almost a month I spent trying to kill myself, over and over again. And do you wanna know why? Because I lost the women I love.   
Not because I'm ugly and hideous, but because I am who I am.  
I got the love of my life killed.  
Because I'm dead pool." 

I could only imagine what he must have gone through. I couldnt help but stare in awe.  
Here's a guy, who actually knows the daily struggle like it's the back of his own hand. A man whose probably been through it all, and he's looking at a kid. 

Not a hero, but..a kid.   
I couldnt ever be a real hero. Not even if I tried, and I really did.

He continues his lecture. "The one time I was granted an opportunity to die...I could've taken it, but I didn't. And I Didn't die, because..  
Death doesn't take the pain away.  
It just passes the pain onto someone else."

I turned back around completely, and sat back down on the couch.  
I absorbed his words, like a sponge. I wandered away in my thoughts for a brief moment   
Slightly concerned of the impact his voice truly gave me,   
But more concerned as to why the voice in my head has decided to sleep.

I couldnt help but stress over where it's gone. What it's plan was, why was it there in the first place? 

Am I going insane??


	15. [15]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recap: deadpool lectured furthur "The one time I was granted an opportunity to die...I could've taken it, but I didn't. And I Didn't die, because..  
> Death doesn't take the pain away.  
> It just passes the pain onto someone else."
> 
> I turned back around completely, and sat back down on the couch.  
> I absorbed his words, like a sponge. I wandered away in my thoughts for a brief moment  
> Slightly concerned of the impact his voice truly gave me,  
> But more concerned as to why the voice in my head has decided to sleep.
> 
> I couldnt help but stress over where it's gone. What it's plan was, why was it there in the first place? 
> 
> Am I going insane??

Peter's Pov 

After taking in his words, I couldn't help the tears, that threatened to burst from my eyes.

He then calmed me down, by telling me he wasn't going to call Tony. In fact he said that I could stay off the radar and live with him for a bit. 

He explained the living conditions, and I gradually accepted them but couldn't help the thoughts that cloud my mind. 

This is usually around the time the voice in my head kicks in and tries Saying something sadistic and suicidal like--  
'let's go search his bathroom for blades and pain pills.' But as soon as that idea came to mind I looked up at him innocently.

"Do you, maybe have a bathroom I could use?"  
He stifles a laugh. "No kid, I'm gonna make you dig a hole in the ground and use leaves for toilet paper." Sarcasm dripped from his voice. 

I faked a slight smile at his joke. "No shit of course I have a bathroom, down the hall to the left." He points me the way and I work my way down there lost in thought. 

I'm going to need that suit, so I might need to sneak out later and go get it. 

But then a wave a realisation hit me. I still have my suit...it's just in my bag, which is most likely back at my room in the tower. 

'Shit' I mutter under my breathe thinking of how I'm gonna be able to get that suit. 

Then I remembered, I still had my old suit back at Michael's place.  
All I have to do is sneak in and out,  and this way I won't have to risk too much considering what would happen if I snuck into avengers tower just to steal my real suit. 

Tony's Pov 

After Peter pulled his little stunt,  
I spent ages trying to track him down. 

It would've been easier it he'd brought the suit with him but he didn't. What really worries me is what kind of danger he could be in without it. 

While Peter had been in the coma, i managed to have that sadistic man the government wanted to consider a father figure, locked up. Now that I had the majority of his belongings, since I was trying to gain leagal guardianship over him I've come across a stack of old video tapes in a box. 

And now, I'm in my lab reviewing them for any possible clue as to who Michael really was to him. 

One in particular I had come across, seemed to really tug at my emotions. 

' But aunt may I don't want to be An aracutalor.' A feeble Young voice whines.  
Peter seemed to have been Worked up over something, and clenched onto a red and gold mask.

He seemed to be at least 6 years old In the video, so I can only assume this might have been created anywhere from 5 to 8 years ago. 

A feminine voice bursts out laughing, as Peter held a serious look. "I wanna be iron man when I grow up." He states, bluntly with pride in his voice.

I couldn't help but lose myself in the video, at how happy he was back then. 

He put the mask on, and held out his hand as if a repulser, were actually going to shoot from his palm. 

I knew the video, was meant to be Something sweet and not sad, but I couldn't help but cry, watching them. He just seemed so carefree, and happy. 

I decided then and there I was going to do whatever it takes to find Peter and show him real happiness. My kid only deserves that much.


	16. [16]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠ Trigger Warning: ⚠  
> self-mutilation, severe injuries, graphic content, and extreme imagery, Viewer discretion is advised.
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Recap: I knew the video,   
> was meant to be Something sweet and not sad, but I couldn't help but cry, watching them.   
> He just seemed so carefree, and happy. 
> 
> I decided then and there I was going to do whatever it takes to find Peter and show him real happiness. My kid only deserves that much.

Peter's Pov 

I stare into the foggy damp bathroom mirror, studying my face. 

The deep bruises seemed to have vanished, but gashes still marred the edge of my jawline; blood stained pieces of my hair. 

My curls, stuck to my skin due to the hot sticky sweat pouring from my body.   
I couldn't cry, literally.   
But if I could at this point I would.  
To be honest, I think I've just cried so much that I've probably dried my eyes out. 

I'm trying, God knows I'm trying, but I can't feel a damn thing.  
You wanna know how it feels? Well, it's like when you go under water, and you close your eyes. Everything in the world suddenly ceases to exist somehow. The only thing you hear is the beating of your heart and the thoughts on your mind, and if you don't reach the surface, you start to feel your lungs craving for oxygen, burning because you can't breathe.  
That's how I feel about everything lately. I can only hear the echoes of the voices in my mind, and sometimes it's hard to breathe, but the rest of the world doesn't matter anymore. 

Nothing matters right now for me.  
I just feel the beating of my heart; nothing less, nothing more.

After taking a few moments to let my thoughts consume me, something Twinkles against the dimly lit bathroom light.   
I reach my hand out, and brush the tip of the object dancing in my peripheral vision. 

I found my fingers coil around a small thin razor, with at least 4 blades To be exact.  
My blood ran cold, and for some odd reason my body took the bait as a trigger and I immediately pulled it into view. 

I clenched onto the razor, staring down in slight awe.   
The last time I was left alone in a bathroom I tried to kill myself.  
What makes now so different?

'That's exactly the point Peter.  
There is nothing different.   
Ending it all would put us out of our misery.' An oddly familiar whispers into my mind. 

My brain stutters for a moment and my eyes take in more light than I expected, every part of me goes on pause while my thoughts catch up.

'Just a few cuts, won't make a difference. Let's just do it'

I shook my head, and prepared myself for a defensive reply   
until I let my mind sink into the decision with more clarity. 

I tore the top of the razor back, forgetful of my enhanced strength. The tip opped off faster than a speeding bullet.   
The piece, bounced off the mirror then off the wall and into the toilet.   
I shrugged the sound off, as I pulled the blades from the center. 

I throw away any excess plastic with a huff and place each blade on the counter in front of me. 

I took one of the blades and stared down at my left arm.   
It's only slightly healed so so desided to go for my stomach instead. 

I brought the blade up to my stomach, and pulled it across my skin slashing it instantly.   
I bit my lip so hard, a metallic flavour lingered around my Tastebuds. 

Line after line, row after row   
I'd drag the blade across my stomach over and over again until blood coated my fingers. 

Once the blood stole away the rest of the space I have on my stomach, I allowed myself a small break to re collect my thoughts. 

I placed the other two blades into my pocket and flushed the one with blood, in order to hide the evidence. But it's not like this guy Really gives a Shit about me.  
He may have saved my life, but no one in this world could ever save me. Not from the kind of pain that I'm in. 

It was a thirst like I'd never known before. Even my saliva was thick like wallpaper paste. My throat felt parched as if the skin had been extracted and laid out in the scorching sun to dry. It gnawed at me, tormented me and I could think of nothing other than finding something cool to quench it. My head banged and throbbed and as the dehydration advanced I became more desperate, searching for something, anything, that contained liquid.

I ran the sink water, and leaned my head all the way down chugging any liquid that seeps from the faucet. 

I washed the blood off myself, and cleaned up my mess before wearily exiting the bathroom. 

I asked wade where he wanted me to sleep, and he guided me to a dark, gloomy bedroom.   
I didn't really mind it either, I actually enjoyed the way the darkness Consumed the open space in the room. I also enjoyed the way The pitch black colour harmonized with the Glow of a small desk lamp. 

Cramped, dim and cave-like, a cheap spindly pine framed bed was cut shorter to fit into the room with a narrow strip of carpet graying with decades of filth placed to its left.

To the right of the bed was a meanly proportioned window layered in aging mould and dust, covered by twenty-something year old net curtains swaying mysteriously in the shadows.

Dirt encrusted beige wallpaper was peeling off the wall near the dented floorboards.  
It wasn't exactly the most perfect setting, but it wasn't necessarily a living hell either. A depressing room isn't something I'd tolerate, it's something that would actually suit me. 

He kindly left me clothes to change in, and left me to my own thoughts as I dressed myself   
And curled into the thick tan mattress.

I reverently rubbed my fingers along the silken mattress, and pressed my cheek against the cool, velvet pillows. 

The comforter was thick and irresistibly soft, like a billowing cloud. I had toppled into it, relieved to rest my aching feet. Warmth and darkness enveloped me, and soon I had succumbed to the nuturing call of sleep.

~

Peter's Pov 

I trudged along the pavement at a sedate pace, my mind focused on the gentle footsteps that seemed to echo throughout the desolate street. 

I was suprised at the sudden voice breaking the silence, considering how I thought the voice may have been gone for good. 

'That alleyway looks like the perfect spot.' A voice in my head murmurs. I robotically turn down that path.

It was as if I had no control over my body. My feet just took me toward the location the voice in my head guided me to. 

'Presence detected' 

my spidey senses made me jolt, but I eased up as I turned around   
"Peter, don't do this people love you. People care about you."   
I faced the deep gaze of a worried Tony holding out his hands in defense, as if trying to coax me out of something.

I looked down at my hands, and which the right one clenched onto the trigger of a slick black pistol.  
My hands shook like leaves,  I ponder my actions within the cage of my mind. 

Not completely away of my surroundings, The negative thoughts keep coming like waves on rocks. I start pacing or moving around irrationally.   
'If we musn't die in real life, what makes us think we can escape in our dreams?' 

The arguments in my head get so fast and so disturbing that my brain shuts down my body. 

The gun is slowly lifted to the side of my head, as I pick my head back up and look into Tony's eyes.

The loud pop was enough to send my brain into the grip of silent panic. My brain synapses firing like a hyped up internal aurora borealis. 

A loud pop sends me away, and I find myself warped, in some sort of warm alternative light. 

~

My eyes open like two flashlight beams, the new temporal inserts providing enough light to illuminate whatever I look at.

Though my eyes are open I can't think of why; my heart is pounding, mind empty. It's as if a hypodermic of adrenaline has been emptied into my carotid. I strain into the utter darkness, breathing rate beginning to steady.

Waking up to such different surroundings, left me slightly scared. Once I go over what happened in my mind, I feel like I'm sort of caught up in the current situatuon I've gotten myself in. 

Deadpool, or who I now also know as wade-- allowed me to stay here, at least until I figure out how to go home and confront Mr. Stark about my..outburst.

Maybe...I could just hide away forever, at least until I'm 18 right?


	17. [17]

Recap: My eyes open like two flashlight beams, the new temporal inserts providing enough light to illuminate whatever I look at.

Though my eyes are open I can't think of why; my heart is pounding, mind empty. It's as if a hypodermic of adrenaline has been emptied into my carotid. I strain into the utter darkness, breathing rate beginning to steady.

Waking up to such different surroundings, left me slightly scared. Once I go over what happened in my mind, I feel like I'm sort of caught up in the current situatuon I've gotten myself in. 

Deadpool, or who I now also know as wade-- allowed me to stay here, at least until I figure out how to go home and confront Mr. Stark about my..outburst.

Maybe...I could just hide away forever, at least until I'm 18 right?

\-----------------------------------------------------  
||Trigger warning || 

please be aware, the rest of the following story contains graphic violence which depicts over suicidal thoughts, and self harm. 

The story is full of painful qualities but I am in no way making fun of any of the following discussions. I believe this is a story that deserves a fighting chance, alongside all of the other stories I've updated.  
\-----------------------------------------------------

3 months later...  
-

\---------------------------------------------------

You never realise how good you have it, until your life is washed away from you. 

Like the broken; but small humble family I once had. Life has picked on them slowly but surely, striking out Each and every piece of my family. 

And sense I am the last,  
Life is making me suffer. 

After two weeks of making a short term "alliance" with deadpool, I've managed to weave my way back out on the streets. 

Something in my mind has switched.  
Like something dark, and twisted.  
Maybe it's the fact that I'm the shell of a broken boy, forced into manhood at the age of 7. 

Or...maybe I wasn't meant to exist amongst this earth? 

Who in God's name are we kidding?? We were never meant to exist here. 

I can hardly remember the last time I spoke to Tony. Honestly I'm glad. 

The monster who tore through me that day...I can't allow anyone to see him again. It's funny how we think we could possibly escape the sadistic pain in which leaches off our Thoughts every messed up day. 

Have I ever really allowed myself hope of escape?

~

Tony's pov 

I haven't slept in 2 weeks. 

As every memory races throughout my mind, I sift through the lab. I've done everything in my power to ignore pepper. Why? She keeps telling me to stop! 

Stop, and abandon all hope of finding that boy? Stop, rest and lose my last chance of saving him? Stop, and Forget that he's still out; god knows where writhing in pain? 

Am I losing my Mind trying to figure out how I can Find peter?  
Maybe! 

All I know, is that losing that boy  
Was one of the worst things I could've done. Screw that, losing that boy was one of the stupidest things I could've possibly done. 

Without Spider-Man, crime in queens is sky rocketing. Every day, I'm getting calls. Having to stop What I'm doing, to go save someone else's sorry ass. 

"Mr. Stark?" Fridays, robotic voice shook me from my thoughts.  
I jolt My head up from my desk; whirling around in my chair.

"You have a visitor, on his way up." 

"Friday, what the hell to i keep telling you! I'm busy!"  
I rush to my feet, bolting towards the opening elevator door, before facing what looked to be a man. 

His face, looked torn up. As if his parents took one look at him as a child, and decided they'd chunk his body into a wood-chipper. 

I was already adgitated enough, and definitely wasn'tsocializeood  
To socialize. "I don't know who you are, but I'm busy. Come back never." I go to cram him back into the elevator, 

"Well, I feel very welcome." His voice was smooth, but still obnoxious. "Way to state the obvious, now leave."  
He ignores me, sliding some weird mask over his face. 

"Pool. Dead pool. I have some interesting information about your son." He extends his hand, motioning for me to shake. 

I narrow my eyes, "son? What son, I don't have a..." I trail off,  
"YOU!" I growl, clenching my hands around his neck, "What in God's name did you do with him!! Tell me!!" 

I felt A twinge of pain against my stomach. I ease my hands jolting back. "Before you Tried to attack me I was trying to say, your kid was safe at my place. Until he disappeared. I just wanted to know if he decided to come back."  
I drop him, angrily. 

"No, does it really look like I've found him by now?" I motioned towards my shirt, drenched in coffe and sweat stains. He ignored my statement, turning to leave. 

"Where the hell are you going?" He turns his head to the side, "while you sit here, and daddy mourn, I'm gonna go hunt down spiderson." I roll my eyes, my fist crashing down onto my chest. 

My suit immidiately Starts piecing together, and within seconds I'm completely ready. "Oh yeah. Forgot who I was talking to." He comments. 

~

Peter's pov

these scars in which litter my body, used to Eventually sew themselves up.

They don't do that anymore.  
I'm not really sure if I'm scared of that anymore. 

I live in an old, dark, abandoned apartment complex. It's not any different then my old one. It's just empty, and scattered with holes. I used to believe stealing was wrong. 

Its the only way we can survive now. And it's alot better than how it used to be. Being locked in my own closet, forced to starve months on end. 

Everyday I'm allowed to eat, now. I can do whatever I want whenever I want, it's just. I guess I miss authority, the way I felt when someone cared enough to stop me. 

To think, I used to risk my life to stop people who stole like this.  
People, like me. Everyone in this world has learned their place through pain and misery.  
Through suffering slowly. 

What makes us think we should be any different?


	18. [18]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recap: Peter's pov
> 
> these scars in which litter my body, used to Eventually sew themselves up.
> 
> They don't do that anymore.   
> I'm not really sure if I'm scared of that anymore. 
> 
> I live in an old, dark, abandoned apartment complex. It's not any different then my old one. It's just empty, and scattered with holes. I used to believe stealing was wrong. 
> 
> Its the only way we can survive now. And it's alot better than how it used to be. Being locked in my own closet, forced to starve months on end. 
> 
> Everyday I'm allowed to eat, now. I can do whatever I want whenever I want, it's just. I guess I miss authority, the way I felt when someone cared enough to stop me. 
> 
> To think, I used to risk my life to stop people who stole like this.   
> People, like me. Everyone in this world has learned their place through pain and misery.   
> Through suffering slowly. 
> 
> What makes us think we should be any different?

Peter's pov

You'd think a hero, such as me   
Wouldn't need comfort. I mean who would of thought, the one and only Spiderman, had so many personal issues reguarding the voice inside my head? 

The funny thing is,   
It's like it comes and goes as it pleases. Feeding off my broken state of mind; leaching off My thoughts. 

I'm beginning to Forget small things like, who I used to be   
Before this life. Who I wanted to be. 

It's hard Even allowing myself to go back to feeling the way that I used to, that fun; happy   
Beaming little boy that went from being curled into the sheets with his aunt may one night, watching Pety sitcoms until midnight- to   
A crime fighting hero, who so easily dispersed into the Darkened night. Sworn to protect the citizens of queens new York 

Now the real question Is...  
Where the hell did I go wrong??? 

I'm beginning to realise it's not exactly a matter of where I went wrong, it's a matter of who wronged me. 

Aunt may, wronged me. 

She left me Behind, only to bleed under the watch of an evil man. 

She left me alone. 

Which is why, today....I guess I   
Feel like I meant nothing to her.   
Who'd say I meant anything to anyone anymore? 

As of now,   
I had currently been Sleeping in the gap of a long winding alleyway. I needed the sleep,   
I tore open the stitches on my wrist so I stayed up until midnight Sewing it back Up. 

Strangely it had started healing just fine. My body wasn't dying anymore, so that was good. But my mind...it's Still Slowly being torn apart. 

My eyelids twitch, until finally   
They hazily drift open.   
I noticed a group of strange Individuals murmuring, around me. Though my eyes weren't adjusted to my surroundings enough to Be able to focus right away. 

My senses would tingle; reverberating throughout my body. 

That's when I immidiately rushed to my feet, ready to fight. 

Before I could make Any real move, a bag was thrown over my head, and something Was literally chained to my neck. 

Mere seconds later, pain surges from the center of my neck, to the core of my body. 

I reached out my hands, clenching onto someone, and throwing them into the wall, only to be tackled down, and stabbed in the side. 

Eventually I just let my body give out, as it's thrown into some sort of Large vehicle; assuming it was a black van. 

"What Do you want from me?!" I growl allowed in adgitation.

I regret my actions, when A foot comes slamming into my spleen. 

So much for Enhanced healing. 

~

Tony's Pov 

We scan the streets of new york, up and down.

Id even had pepper print off a few fliers, and I had Them put up all over new york. 

It seemed like we tore the city apart trying to find that kid. If you know me, you'd know good and damn well that I Hate Not knowing things. Especially not knowing where my kid is. 

I was startled by the sudden familiarly obnoxious voice from behind me. "You know. I'm starting to think, he might have Just up and left queens." Wade furrows his eyes, although it looked strange considering The bizarre costume he chose for heroing. 

"Why in God's name would he do that? He wouldn't leave his Citizens behind to Go running about the streets of some other strange city." 

"He's in Brooklyn."   
"And he definetely wouldn't be-  
I trailed off, until suddenly what he Said regestered in my thoughts. "Brooklyn? Wait how did you-"

"Teen throws man across street before Being thrown into van. Location: brooklyn-" 

He holds up his phone, revealing some sort of blog, "why didn't we search through social media to begin with i mean look at all of these stories. Kid bolts across Parking plaza in crown heights - Chaced down by cops- oh and look at this, Kid In hood is seen climbing the walls of an abandoned apartment- location brownsville new york." 

Slowly as he reads off every post, I roll my eyes to the point To where, I started getting dizzy. "Would you stop playing on your damn phone and help me find my kid?" I growl. He scoffed. 

"What's it look like I'm doing?"   
"Playing on your stupid phone!!" I snarl, before grabbing his arm, and taking off into the sky.   
"Friday. Looks like we're heading to brooklyn. Let pepper know I'll be home late." With that,   
We disperse into the sky. Hopeful, that maybe I'll be able to find my kid, and apolagise for..well..everything that's happened to him. 

Who knows what kind of bullshit he's been through on the streets. 

~

Peter's pov 

I have no clue where I am,   
Nor what's going on. I feel dead inside, and I'm slowly starting to boil with rage. Anytime I try to move, my body is engulfed in a seemingly infinite overwhelming surge of pain.

It's times like this, I wish the voice in my head would At the very least comfort me. 

But like all times I've wished for its calming yet sadistic nature to reassure my soul; it's no where to be found. 

My breathes hitch, as I shuffle around. The hairs on my spine stood on edge. I couldn't figure out what was going on. And I had no clue what happened to my phone. 

I was pouring sweat, and starving to death, as well as adgitated   
And exhausted. 

Soon though, the van came to a hault. 

Someone pushes me into what felt like asfault, though I'm blinded by the darkness of the bag masking my sight. "Where the hell am I?? And where are you taking me?!" I growl in anger. 

"Shut up." A dark raspy voice Snarls in response, before I'm lead into what felt like a dark; eerie room. 

When the bag, is Pulled off my head; I realise I've been placed in  
Some sort of large Containment chamber. 

I try my best obsorbing my surroundings. my eyes Dart back and fourth, in adgitation.   
I beat my hands against the Rusty, metal walls. I try doing anything I can to free hands; they're chained together behind me. 

"Could you please, calm down. I'm trying to read." A voice chimes in from behind me. I turn around, and find a girl, littered with scars as well as bruises and burn marks. I'm her hands, a dark yet strange book with markings engraved in the front. 

"Who are you?! W-Where are we??" She rolls her eyes. "Welcome to mutant hell dude. This is where all hell breaks lose." She muses in response. 

"Then why aren't you dead?" I ask. She glances up at me, "because I'm the champion here. I'm the one you're probably about to have to fight to the death. And in case you haven't noticed; you really don't have much of a choice here bud."

I scoff, and bitterly slide against the wall and sit in the corner before hugging my knees to my chest. 

What in God's name have I gotten myself into now???


	19. [19]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm sooo sorry I've let some of the fans of this fic down! I created this story When I felt A little broken inside- now that I've found something different from the way my life was before, I've been hopping fandoms! Sometimes I'm broken when I update this story, and sometimes Im not, it depends!...but I want you to know I will not give up on this story!! Thanks sooo much for all of the support I've been given! I'll do everything I can to make this One of the most angsty Peter Parker fanfic on wattpad- despite my lack of Updates I'll keep trying, and I'll make them As good as possible!  
> Thanks so much for reading! See you next chapter, XOX 
> 
> (Sorry I put the author's note in the summary section!!! I couldn't fit the recap- it was too long!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recap: (Peter's pov) 
> 
>  
> 
> I have no clue where I am,   
> Nor what's going on. I feel dead inside, and I'm slowly starting to boil with rage. Anytime I try to move, my body is engulfed in a seemingly infinite overwhelming surge of pain.
> 
> It's times like this, I wish the voice in my head would At the very least comfort me. 
> 
> But like all times I've wished for its calming yet sadistic nature to reassure my soul; it's no where to be found. 
> 
> My breathes hitch, as I shuffle around. The hairs on my spine stood on edge. I couldn't figure out what was going on. And I had no clue what happened to my phone. 
> 
> I was pouring sweat, and starving to death, as well as adgitated   
> And exhausted. 
> 
> Soon though, the van came to a hault. 
> 
> Someone pushes me into what felt like asfault, though I'm blinded by the darkness of the bag masking my sight. "Where the hell am I?? And where are you taking me?!" I growl in anger. 
> 
> "Shut up." A dark raspy voice Snarls in response, before I'm lead into what felt like a dark; eerie room. 
> 
> When the bag, is Pulled off my head; I realise I've been placed in  
> Some sort of large Containment chamber. 
> 
> I try my best obsorbing my surroundings. my eyes Dart back and fourth, in adgitation.   
> I beat my hands against the Rusty, metal walls. I try doing anything I can to free hands; they're chained together behind me. 
> 
> "Could you please, calm down. I'm trying to read." A voice chimes in from behind me. I turn around, and find a girl, littered with scars as well as bruises and burn marks. I'm her hands, a dark yet strange book with markings engraved in the front. 
> 
> "Who are you?! W-Where are we??" She rolls her eyes. "Welcome to mutant hell dude. This is where all hell breaks lose." She muses in response. 
> 
> "Then why aren't you dead?" I ask. She glances up at me, "because I'm the champion here. I'm the one you're probably about to have to fight to the death. And in case you haven't noticed; you really don't have much of a choice here bud."
> 
> I scoff, and bitterly slide against the wall and sit in the corner before hugging my knees to my chest. 
> 
> What in God's name have I gotten myself into now???

Peter's pov

 

 

Drip 

 

Drip 

 

Drip

 

The Defeaning echoe Of liquid Slapping against A hardened surface- takes its toll on my heightened senses. 

My knees ache and neck crackle and pop with every move I make. 

The light Glistens against the pool of blood In the floor- I lift my head squinting as The burning glare of The flickering light from above; scalded my pupils. 

"They're coming. might wanna..you know 'mentally prepare' for what's about to go down." The girl throws the book onto the Brown Thick fabric laying across the Corner of the floor. 

"H-How are you...fine with this? You seem so..upbeat. you could die here...we could die here.."   
She rolls her eyes at that. "Yeah, you could die. Sitting in you're on blood feeling sorry for yourself like that. What are you 7? Your supposed to be a mutant for shitsake."

With that she pops her neck, approaching a pull up bar on the side of the wall- a strange darkness revealing itself Within her Glossed icy black orbs. She pulls her body- chin scraping the bar. 

I Cough, drops of blood Oozing onto the floor- probably from my forearm again. 

She Ominously blinks away the darkness; her bare feet slapping against the concrete floor. her gaze settling on me. "So you're not a mutant?" She asks, approaching me wearily, shocked, and slightly concerned. 

"I am. I'm just...I'm not healing right or Something-" my voice cracks and I Cough again.   
She glances over to the Caged door, then glances back down to me. 

"I think I can help you. Let us see." I cock my head as she crouched down- and to my suprise her Arm melts into some sort of sludgy dark licorice Vine-like substance. It coils up my wrist- my skin tingles; pain surging throughout my body at impact. 

My body burned, scalding hot pressure- courses through my veins. 

"I'm still here Peter."

The words were like a hymn in the core of my mind.   
The voice? How could it be back? 

"I'm no voice peter."

My skull Had begun to quiver- the girl jolts back in shock. "What the hell man!" She rushed to her feet,   
A distinct look of fear and rage in her eyes. 

Everything in my body comes to a hault. "You're not healing...because....Something inside you-" before she could finish The caged door shook, a Raspy thick voice snarls "Time for you Little shits to start training and shut the fuck up!" 

The girl narrows her eyes in adgitation Meandering Back over to the Pull up bar. "SPIDER SHIT I SAID TRAIN NOT LAY ON YOUR FUCKIN ASS." 

"Do we really Need to put up with this peter? Why don't we just take his sorry ass out."  
I shook my head, ignoring...it. 

And immidiately begin punching The wall. The girl only snickers. 

Tony's Pov 

I never thought I could be so Stressed out. I never expected Peter to Just up and dodge me like this. I'm so Adgitated I had to resort to dependence on a Certain anti-hero, in hopes of finding that kid. 

On the bright side, after Hours of searching- we Got a lead- and were almost literally tearing up Brooklyn trying to find him. 

Every Street we'd sweep it felt like I was getting Farther and farther away, rather than closer. Soon, after disappointment after dissapointment, I Wound up Tackling the son of a bitch. 

Clenching the red fabric within my iron hands, His body is slammed into the wall Of the nearest brick Store. "Im getting Really tired of these Games. We've been Looking EVERYWHERE!!" I snarl, veins quite possibly popping out of my forehead- "WHERE THE HELL IS MY KID HUH?!? HOW DO I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T TAKEN HIM?! I WANT THAT KID BACK RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!" 

He lifts His feet up- slamming them into My chest plate. My Body is sent flying across the street. He loiters across the street- cars swishing by- Waving his arms around in Expression before Begrudgingly folding them. 

"Im sorry tin-Man. I'm pretty sure if I thought you Didn't have a  
heart for this kid I wouldn't have Dragged you here in the first place." He sighs, extending his hand- ignoring the now gaping hole in the side of the Coffee shop I just crashed into.

I only tap my chest, and retract my suit. I sigh in defeat. Taking his hand. "Jesus Christ. When I find that kid..." I trail off slightly muttering out of earshot. I imagine all the possible things that could've happened to him.

I swollow back the lump in my throat, before finishing My sentence. "- Im going to adopt him."

~ Time skip ~

Peter's pov

The cage is consumed in A sound silence. Suprisingly my thoughts remain silent as well, until She speaks. 

"I'm vixiliry, but The Crazies around here call me venom 2.0"  
I ignore her, and continue Punching the wall- ignoring the fact that its and pieces of It are flinging back at me-despite The assfault practically Chipping away at the raw skin on my knuckles- I actually felt somewhat relieved.   
The pain was slowly edging away from my mind- however Demented thoughts still wound up lingering about. 

Like...how Did I get into this mess?

Just because I was bitten by a spider means, I'm some overwhelmingly powerful; crazy mutant freak? Someone whose lost their childhood to the Wrath of some Sadistic Fool of A leagal guardian? 

Why couldn't i Just be a normal person? With a normal life?

Maybe..

Maybe the people in my life wouldn't have been taken if it weren't for my existence. 

Maybe "we were better off Rotting away In some Dumpster."

I found myself blinking away tears which found their way Trickling down my cheeks.  
Giving in to the background noise which mainly consists of the Girl who keeps asking Me questions. Although she started growing annoying; I found comfort In Her Words. It felt as though someone Was looking out for me- and I could look out for them. 

In a way far more different then the 'Voice' inside my head.

"You gonna say anything? What is it with you and silence." My fists remain Swinging- bashing into the Wall in a repetitive sequence of Patterns.

She grumbles dropping to the floor once more with a thud. I scoff, in defeat as well as iritation. "Im spider Man." 

She pops Her knuckles, "yeah but what's your real name? Isn't it like piper er somethin?" 

"Peter." I mumble. Finally coming to a stop. "Jeez man. That shits Crazy." She motions towards my Knuckles, which aren't healing-though technically aren't Really hurting anymore. 

"Our strength comes from the symbiote, but You...you're different somehow..." She trails off. "Why do you have so many scars anyway? Were you beaten, or like enslaved? Created by Some Crazy witchdoctor or someshit?" I only ignore her irrelevant questions, in hopes of finding some sort of piece in mind. 

Soon the cage door Opens,   
A different man approaches, a sparkling Fork shaped Tazer in one hand- some sort of collar in the other. 

The man throws Vixilary, a look of disgust, which she respondes with a Guilty Gaze toward me- rushing over to The pull up bar. 

I bitterly grit my teeth, "What do you Want from me?"   
"What do you think?" The voice seems to be broiling with rage.  
The man Jabs my Abdomen with the Tazor- taking Advantage of my physical state- and clamping the collar around my neck. 

The collar pierced into my skin,   
The voice in my head hissing at such impact. "Ohh, this motherfucker is gonna pay for that."

I glare daggers at the man- holding back the forceful Anger Seeping through my veins. 

A flashback glides across My glossed eyes- scorning my senses. 

Mr. Stark. 

Those were the last words boiling In my mind...before My Eyes Roll behind my skull. And darkness consumes me yet again. This time- my entire world shifts. And I'm lost. 

There's no pain. 

There's only "us."


	20. [20]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recap: (Peter's pov)
> 
> Soon the cage door Opens,   
> A different man approaches, a sparkling Fork shaped Tazer in one hand- some sort of collar in the other. 
> 
> The man throws Vixilary, a look of disgust, which she respondes with a Guilty Gaze toward me- rushing over to The pull up bar. 
> 
> I bitterly grit my teeth, "What do you Want from me?"   
> "What do you think?" The voice seems to be broiling with rage.  
> The man Jabs my Abdomen with the Tazor- taking Advantage of my physical state- and clamping the collar around my neck. 
> 
> The collar pierced into my skin,   
> The voice in my head hissing at such impact. "Ohh, this motherfucker is gonna pay for that."
> 
> I glare daggers at the man- holding back the forceful Anger Seeping through my veins. 
> 
> A flashback glides across My glossed eyes- scorning my senses. 
> 
> Mr. Stark. 
> 
> Those were the last words boiling In my mind...before My Eyes Roll behind my skull. And darkness consumes me yet again. This time- my entire world shifts. And I'm lost. 
> 
> There's no pain. 
> 
> "There's only us"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm bringing some people back into the story in the next chapter so mentally prepare yourselves for a rollercoaster of emotions! I cannot wait to show you what I have in store for peter. Thank you All Sooo much for the support!!! I'm so happy to be apart of the wattys family- I'm thrilled to Have so many different stories in the works, and I'm Stressed..also terrified...LOL Thanks again for reading! I'll see you all next chapter!! XOX ♡♡♡

Peter's pov 

When I opened my eyes once again- Something in my mind   
Screams. Ripples Of Darkness- and light Suround me. There are millions of voices. Some chatter and others roar- begging for Blood. Guts. Inhumanity. 

Despite the immediate Slow shift- I managed to weave myself through the Overwhelming Pressure, weighing down On my mind. 

Four withered corpses lie in the ground. The Scent of vodka- and death lingered about the Area.   
The sound of my breathes quickening with Every movement; it echoes crippling me. 

This is who we are.   
This is who we want to be. 

But this...This isn't right.   
This is Evil...I am evil. 

This isn't villany- this is revenge. This is what we wanted, right?? 

This is not what I wanted...This is Immoral. What would aunt mae think...what would...what would mr. Stark think??

It's too late to turn back now.   
Look at what you've done. 

"Bring In Venom 2.0!!!" the man standing on a podium On the other side- of an electrified Cage- roars Fiercly. 

In walks a Large Beast like Creature. Teeth Shaped like daggers- and eyes That tare your soul wide open. 

There was no way this...thing could be her. 

But this world is already so messed up....what Would make This any different? 

we can't save her. She's Far too gone. 

Is she gone? Or are we the one Whose "gone"   
Why would it matter?! We have No life! Why should someone as irrelivant as her deserve a chance!!

Because All life is precious. Even hers. I used to fight for people like her. We, used to fight for people like her. 

Until you Allowed a family of people "like her" to Die. 

But those weren't people like her. Those were...people who were truly happy. 

"FIGHT ALREADY!!!" the Man Roars- enragement clearly consuming the crowd.   
My chest throbs, adrenaline- courses through my veins.   
Don't TELL US what TO DO!!   
I slam my fist into the Wall of the cage- completely aware of the  Electricity pulsing About my body; sparkling in consistence. 

I felt Pieces Of The creature coil around my ankles, stomping on them abruptly. 

I Clench my hand on the first piece I could find- whirling it around in circles. 

The beast goes hurling through the cage- And into the crowd.   
People disperse, in panic. The Man Rushed To me Completely enraged. I leap onto the ceiling  
Suprised I had managed to Stick.

It had been a long time since I had last been able to use anything. So, this was strangely Shocking for me. 

I slither across the ceiling, electric waves Still Radiating from my body. I narrow my eyes, trying to  Focus on the exit. 

Men from Many different Directions Rush me, but Struggle To Grab me. 

My scars stung, and my bones quiver. My heart Races, pounding   
Against my chest. 

I tried To ignore My emotions- to ignore the Voice. I just kept moving forward. The light of the opened door Glistened- as if pulling me in. 

Once I Drop to The ground- I Squirm quickly through The crowd. 

The warmth of daylight overtook me, as soon as I Exit the building. 

The wind whips against each bloody strand of hair, the metallic scent never once fading from my mind. 

I had run into someone, shocked at such Sudden impact; rolling over gravel. If this Were An average day for me, I'd probably have apologised for such Rude behavior. 

But this wasn't an average day for me. In fact I don't remember the last Time, I had one Day without thinking of suicide, as well as Taking a knife to my wrists or shooting someone dead in the face. 

But with so many triggers bubbling Around my head like that...I didn't know what else to do...accept keep running. 

Tony's Pov 

After searching for What felt like ages- We'd came across a skeptical building. 

For some reason, a sensible feeling erges me inside; pulling my attention to a Dark black van Hiding in the darkened alleyway next to it. 

Wade gives me A certain nod, earning my simple nod, and We part ways. He cautiously Heads toward The alley- while I wearily yet casually approach the entrance. 

I could easily tap my chest for backup. I wasn't to keen on asking for wades assistance, but if I had to- especially when it comes to that boy- I'd do anything. Anything in my power, to help protect That kid. He's my kid. 

Suddenly Dozens of people pour from the building. Some in panic, and some in sheer rage. Cars eagerly rush to An abrupt hault at the sudden Flood of people Running from the building. 

I linger passed the crowd, but Still wound up being knocked to the ground by some Annoying Civilian- trying to flea. 

The Boy seemed to be a teenager, with a familiar ring to his look.   
My heart sank when I scanned his features properly. 

Mere seconds later I tap on my chest, and Click on the Bluetooth in my right ear, "Friday are you getting this! Get a tracker on that Kid NOW!" 

"On it sir-" my suit emerges from the light in my chest piecing itself together, before hurling me into the air. A drone the size of a fly escapes the palm of my hand- my Suit imidiately recognizes the boy. 

"Mr. Stark, you have an incoming caller- pepper potts has been-"   
Before Friday could finish I roar, "Not NOW, contact wade- get him on the kids tale-" a series of Information Pops up on the screen of my Suit- blocking my vision. 

"Shit! FRIDAY CLEAR THE DAMN SCREEN!" 

I glide through the air- my thrusters Flinging Back and fourth. 

"Friday Don't you Dare lose that kid!" "-don't worry sir, I'm currently tracking down Peter Parker." I fly down the nearest street, only to have my foot grabbed- and my body slung into the Wall.

"All systems appear to be failing sir- but the drone has located Peter Parker." A twinge of pain Surges throughout my chest, as i push myself up. Half my mask Is in pieces on the wall of Some sort of drug store. 

My heavy metallic hands are showered in sparks-I whirl around trying to find who grabbed me- stumbling left and right. 

A large black Creature- with teeth like daggers, stands before me. 

A large piece of metal pierces into its chest- which appears to be a katana. "Come on!" I punch the leg of my Suit in hopes of getting the repulsers back up and running but- I fail. 

I study the large being up and down. It roars in adgitation- wade suddenly appearing beside me.   
I only ignore his pressence.

"Is that peter?"   
"No sir- that seems to be a symbiote using A human female as it's host. According to its stance, she appears to be fifteen years old."

"We need her- she might know peter." Wade Narrows his eyes- and although he had his suit on- sarcasm was still evident in his voice, "oh yeah why don't we just take her to coffee? I'm sure She'd love to answer a million questions reguarding the existence of Peter parker." 

I extend my hand- a Blinding light spilling from my palm- seemingly melting away the Symbiote. Although the light Was enough to blind a dozen people- the sound Was mind churning. 

Something must've jammed my repulsers when I crashed into that wall. This girl had alot. And I mean a lot of explaining to do. She was in deep shit. 

A girl with dark brown hair and Dark eyes Soon lies on the concrete.

I turn to wade, who seems to be standing stiff at this point.   
"Grab her."

With that we Take the girl and load her into a black van.   
I didn't know how wade managed to Get the van- but I Couldn't care less if it meant I would see my boy again. 

"Sir the drone appears to be lost, but is still tracking down Peter parker." 

I grit my teeth, Feeling a light crack against my back Tooth.   
"-don't Deactivate it Until that damn thing has done it's job."   
We fled as fast as possible.   
Me being Overwhelmingly Adgitated- and wade remaining silent. 

I couldn't believe I was so close to him. I could literally touch him just a moment ago. 

And now he's gone. 

I not only wanted to go on a mental breakdown, but I wanted to yell. I wanted to rip my hair out. I could stab any one. And I mean anyone at this point. I could care less who. 

~ time skip ~ 

Peter's pov

 

I couldn't quite grasp Why I had run so long. Maybe I feared Being caught...or maybe I feared, harming someone...

I'm supposed to be a hero.   
And here I am. 

Running

Running 

Running

Time Melts away; light Burns my skin before I Disperse into the Shadows- only to be spat right back out into streets once again. 

The voice in my head would sometimes pressure me...into letting it take over. 

But I just couldn't. 

I couldn't let myself hurt anyone like that again. I was severely afraid of myself. I was afraid of becoming a monster. 

No.

I am afraid of becoming a monster. 

"But we already are a monster." It hissed... It's Voice being like A Feeble; weak hymn  
Echoing throughout the desolate alleyways. I found myself traveling through these so much- that at this point I've grown eagerly dependent on them. 

I found myself camping out in an alleyway again tonight. Using what little supplies I had in the dumpster- I figured out how to make new web slingers. 

But in order to use them without being noticed. We'd need..I mean I'd need a mask of some sort.   
So I went to the drug store, using a dollar That had been stuck onto a beer bottle in the Dumpster- to buy myself a Black beanie. 

I used an abandoned pocket knife to cut out holes. 

Staring down at my forearms, I couldn't help but drag the knife across my Left arm. Just lightly.   
Not because I felt broken but because I..felt like I deserved it. 

"Why wouldn't we deserve this? I mean...look at what we've become." The sound of the voice...its..it's just so.. demented.  
Yet I'm my mind...It feels almost reasonable. 

Here I lie on a Palet beneath a tent made entirely of Cardboard. Staring into the darkness. Lost in my own Thoughts. 

Wondering...Why am I sitting here listening to myself? 

When I could be out helping people again? 

Because we can't help people...we're never going to be able to help anyone...  
We only destroy.

We've destroyed families.

" weve destroyed Lives..."

"We're not meant to be here.."

The voice irks me to remain in place. To get out that knife...And just stab myself in the chest...

But instead... 

I bitterly throw on the hood I found in the dumpster- as well as the mask. And I climb the wall. 

I pull my body upwards. 

the rising- breathing- beat of my chest has my Adrenaline pumping. 

I couldn't believe I was doing this. 

I was doing something I hadn't done in so long...I couldn't fathom the possibility Of saving someone at this point in life. 

But...But I've come so far. 

I needed to do this. 

Finally I made it to the top of the building. 

We could end it all.   
Right here right now.   
We could save everyone. 

"No." 

The Worlds Slip from my mouth. 

The wind brushes against my dampened bloodstained cheeks  
As I dip forward. 

The lights Around me Merge together- fading, however- thriving. 

The Beating of life within my chest. 

So surreal and so fragile.   
This could've been it for me- just like it could be it for some other lost scared soul out there. 

Even though I hated myself.   
I hated the thought of giving up. 

That's why- no matter how many times Life Hurls me into the Ground. No matter how many times I cry- cut- or heave. 

I'm always going to get back up. 

Because I am spider man. 

Mere seconds before my body Could hit the asfault, I mash my thumbs against The center of my webshooters- before slinging myself Back into the air. 

The sound of muffled screaming Finds its way into my Surroundings. 

With that- I disperse into the Settled streats.

I'd forgotten The time- as well as who I was. I'd forgotten about leaving mr. Stark behind...and my friends..I'd forgotten what I was going through- and what I've wanted for so long.....I've forgotten that I'd wished for my own demise. 

For a second- I even found myself forgetting about those I've lost. 

But my past always finds its way back to me. 

One way or another.


	21. [21]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Summary is in the notes!
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: this took soo long to work on, but I wanted to give you guys some room to come up with theories on the symbiote hat had seemigly taken over Riley and Michael.  
> I gave this symbiote the ability to Pose as other creatures and people- slightly similar to shapeshifting accept the creature is all too intelligent to have to see something before it creates it. Some stuff is coming up with Michael and Peter in the next chapter. And ima go ahead and warn you guys- someone dies. 
> 
> Now I promise you guys I'm not gonna give you anything the story isn't necessarily ready for so don't let your assumptions go haywire. Hopefully I didn't mention the same few things twice. And i also hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. I'm sooo thankful for your support I don't know what I'd do without you guys.   
> I discontinued a few other stories in hopes of making room for this one, but I don't wanna get your hopes up or anything. I do have like so much in store for peter, so when things get bad Please let me know how you feel and I'll consider making minor adjustments.
> 
> Love you all! XOX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recap: (Peter's pov)
> 
> I bitterly throw on the hood I found in the dumpster- as well as the mask. And I climb the wall. 
> 
> I pull my body upwards. 
> 
> the rising- breathing- beat of my chest has my Adrenaline pumping. 
> 
> I couldn't believe I was doing this. 
> 
> I was doing something I hadn't done in so long...I couldn't fathom the possibility Of saving someone at this point in life. 
> 
> But...But I've come so far. 
> 
> I needed to do this. 
> 
> Finally I made it to the top of the building. 
> 
> "We could end it all.   
> Right here right now.   
> We could save everyone." 
> 
> "No." 
> 
> The Worlds Slip from my mouth. 
> 
> The wind brushes against my dampened bloodstained cheeks  
> As I dip forward. 
> 
> The lights Around me Merge together- fading, however- thriving. 
> 
> The Beating of life within my chest. 
> 
> So surreal and so fragile.   
> This could've been it for me- just like it could be it for some other lost scared soul out there. 
> 
> Even though I hated myself.   
> I hated the thought of giving up. 
> 
> That's why- no matter how many times Life Hurls me into the Ground. No matter how many times I cry- cut- or heave. 
> 
> I'm always going to get back up. 
> 
> Because I am spider man. 
> 
> Mere seconds before my body Could hit the asfault, I mash my thumbs against The center of my webshooters- before slinging myself Back into the air. 
> 
> The sound of muffled screaming Finds its way into my Surroundings. 
> 
> With that- I disperse into the Settled streats.
> 
> I'd forgotten The time- as well as who I was. I'd forgotten about leaving mr. Stark behind...and my friends..I'd forgotten what I was going through- and what I've wanted for so long.....I've forgotten that I'd wished for my own demise. 
> 
> For a second- I even found myself forgetting about those I've lost. 
> 
> But my past always finds its way back to me. 
> 
> One way or another.

Natasha's pov 

Since Peter's disappearance- the tower has fallen into Silence.   
Usually something around here happens; whether it's Peter and Tony Working in the lab downstairs, or any major criminal activity in new York. 

In speaking of such...  
"Since the disappearance of spider-man, criminal activity in queens Manhattan has heightened. "

"Deputies At the NYPD complain that There are so many possibilities Of muggings, and Short term roberies- as well as reportings of tragic animal deaths- are becoming to much to handle. "

Bruce and Steve who had been focused on reading the paper, and cleaning Syringes- immidiately move their focus to the TV. 

"Despite Our citizens Becoming over taken with wonder- on the whereabouts of Spider-man, it seems there is someone out there trying to right as many wrongs as possible. "

"There have been reports of some Sort of being; eledgidly stopping a man from stealing 1200 dollars during A late night robbery in brooklyn. "

"This strange individual Has also been caught on Camera, trying to stop A Young adult from Leaping off the golden gate bridge- and succeeding. "

"Muggings And roberies in Brooklyn are being haulted left and right- and civilians are lucky To have their lives Saved by such a brave citizen"

"Now Moving on From that heartwarming story- the release of Michael presscott Has grabbed the attention of numerous News stations Across the City. "

The Woman on the TV soon fades, and The pictures amongst the TV shift into that Of An overflowing courtroom. 

"That's right. U.S. marshals are still questioning such an early Release especially- but Mr. Presscot was Believed to be On bail for At least 75 grand. And soon was bailed out by a young adult- officials believe releasing the name and age as well as a photograph of this man is Dangerous; and the information is highly classified. "

"We'll be right back with the weather forcast- but first- let's hear a quick word From our sponsors."

Tony's pov 

Our surroundings aren't exactly as filled with darkness As they were previously so; finding the silver lining in the situation wasny very hard. But in my eyes at this point...wait no, Forget that.

In my Perspective; losing a person- a child- so precious and so valuble...To his Own demons.   
Now that's something almost no one besides me would Bash there head over, right? 

I'm not no one. I'm The one.  
I'm the Hero. Even dead I'll be the hero...who was I to put that kind of pressure onto a kid?   
Why would I do something so..so stupid? How could I do something so..fucked up.

"Talk kid. Just talk-"   
"No!"   
"What if we-  
"WE SAID NO!!"   
I turn to face the Pair of insolents I so supidly intrusted to Help find that kid. 

The edges of the cage engrave themselves in both the wall and floor of my lab- the perfect place to contain something we don't exactly understand. 

The girl, is literally sitting in the corner- burrying her face in her arms- while wade "tries" to coax some sort of information out of her. So far we've failed. 

"C'mon kid. Your friend peter? He's been missing for almost 6 months now. He needs to be found, and brought home- to the people that care about him. 

The girl quivers, but remains in place Before whirling her head around. "Have you ever thought that maybe..this peter..doesn't wanna be found?" 

Wade and I exchange glances. "Why-Why wouldn't be wanna be found?" I bitterly meander towards her cage. 

"You know, I've been held captive my entire life." She spoke with pure resentment, which I didn't really care for until I felt like it would lead to something. 

She chuckled softly.

Wade beats against the cage doors. "What Part of this BULLSHIT is Funny to you, huh kid?" The corners of her mouth Curl into a smile. "All of it." 

The tips of my skin, singe themselves in pure rage. Before I could tear into the Cage wade stomps on my foot- grabbing my shoulder. "The only way we're gonna find him is if we Tolerate this little shit for just one small moment. Okay?? Can ya handle that iron pussy?" 

Before I could ring his neck, I managed to calm myself down enough to analyse something.  
Despite this girls Fake oblivion to Peter's disappearance...she obviously had some sort of connection to all of it. 

Maybe even a connection to him.  
She rushes to her feet.

"I think it's funny how- neither of you could figure out what was going on in that head of his, before it was too late.  
I think it's funny how you need the help of a runaway child and her "lucky" symbiote to Figure out where he is When YOU'RE the closest to him, out of all of these people you say "care" about him."

I narrow my eyes. "What the hell would you know?! That Kid had a Life!! That Kid wasn't just a kid-  
H-He was Strong. Smart-No Intelligent! He was-"

"A hero." I look at her, a knowing gaze within my glossed orbs. 

The girl approaches the cage obviously not even slightly emotionally changed-   
She starts laughing like crazy.   
"Or so You thought!!!" 

Her laughs slowly fade into embalanced patterns; echoing about the tower. 

The lights had begun to flicker,  
And her eyes roll to the back of her head. 

She clutches the Cage with her fists- dark veins popping out-   
"Looks can be deceiving. I mean, I even got you two to believe that me- of all people- was just a simple Little teenaged girl with quote on quote, 'superpowers' " 

Her voice thickens, and to our dismay- Shifts into that of a deep monotone growl. 

"HELP!!" a shriek is released, before her eyes are torn apart by seemingly dark liquorice.   
Her body turns inside out  
Shifting from opened wounds, and bruises, to Marred tissue And pieces of broken bones 

"We are evil incarnate. Conected as one."   
Blood red tendril like pseudopods slither from each Crevice, coiling around our necks.

It's face Shifts, not only taking the forms of every avenger, from Cap, all the way down to peter.   
Eventually Revealing the form of that psycho I had locked up for Peter's sake.

He clutched the cage, with His bare-humanlike hands before melting, and oozing through each crack. 

Tendrils are practically pooring from the man's back, whose now casually walking by as He Wrings the life from our withering Bodies. The paralyzing hurt spread through my body like icy, liquid metal.

Panic, as well as agitation washes over me. I can feel the sweat drench my skin, the throbbing of my own eyes, the ringing screams vibrating in my ears,and the thumping of my heart against my chest. 

Peter's pov 

A wise man once told me,   
That we all create our own demons.   
Then again where the hell is he now?   
If not searching and looking for the very kid he supposedly "cared" about  
Where in the name of Thor is he? 

Because before this   
I was..happy. 

Today I'm cold.   
Today..I'd like to die..

Every day I was told. Life would get easier...things would get better. That there's always a silver lining to the situation. But the only lining I've discovered- littered my arms, legs, hips. Even my thighs. 

In the space that should be filled with justice - at my foundations, keeping my soul aloft - there is a void so black no light can penetrate. It is a wound that can never heal no matter how  
enhanced my powers truly are.

I know what you're thinking. 

Why would I do this to myself? 

But the real question is..Why had I buried myself so, so long. Only to come undone in the simplest of ends.

I feel like I've been swimming for ages, locking my gaze on the nearest bright light- begging for some Sort of glimmer..of hope.  
If not a glimmer..  
Maybe even a glint. 

But I know damn well, with my luck that's just...never gonna happen. 

I don't wanna keep going like this. 

working to the bitter end for money, to just barely help me get by without passing out during patrol once again.  
Barely passing by, both physically and mentally damaged. 

I thought that saving others would give me this warm feeling inside, but now...all I feel is cold. 

I remember the days when pain, and survival had been the least of my worries. The days when I'd lose it over a simple Spider-Man meme posted just seconds after a weekly queens patrol gone wrong.

After shaking my head from my thoughts, I realised my shift was already over, and there I was standing over a cash register, with a dull black expression. 

Getting a job was neither the hardest nor the easiest thing I could've possible done at this point. I didn't want to have to resort to stealing all the time. 

I used to believe stealing was just wrong. I thought that stealing not only negatively impacts Ourselves in a way that we as people just couldn't understand- but it negatively impacts those who have worked hard, and made a real living off of What thieves chose to steal. 

But stealing is the only way to help myself, and those around me. And even though I do understand right from wrong I've chosen to overlook that Small piece of knowledge to get by in life. 

Until I realised I could find better ways to make money- stealing was all i really had. And for some reason, after a while I believed I was greatful to have these powers. 

Because I could use them for both my own well being along with protecting other people. 

Just before I could clock out, my gaze settled upon the TV in the Corner of the sandwhich shop.   
I scan the screen, immidiately recognizing an image in the center. 

An image I had been all too familiar with for far to long. 

The image of an evil, evil man  
Whose finally woven his way back onto the streets.

The thoughts are accelerating inside my head. I want them to slow so I can breathe but they won't. My breaths come in gasps and I feel like I'm going to black out.

My heart is hammering inside my chest like it belongs to a rabbit running for its skin. The room spins and I squat on the floor, trying to make everything slow to something my brain and body can cope with. I felt so sick


	24. [ Temporarily Discontinued ]

Good grief. Being done with this story feels really overwhelming. But it's only necessary considering the Death of Tony stark. It's kind of hard writing a story about someone whose already dead. And Peter isn't even apart of marvel anymore so -_-

Anyways. This is the story I feel most wrecked about discontinuing, but I may winde up continuing it on in the future. Just not anytime near now. This story was one of my favorites. It was one of the stories that i actually worked hard on aside from the Pokemon fanfic I had made, and the ones about the elemental wolves. 

I thank all of my loyal voters as well as followers for viewing this story. I appriciate all the love and the spam in the comments over Peter's past with flash. I was actually working on the prologue to the sequel just a bit ago, and it was actually really exciting at first. But idrk any more. 

It's not exactly the wattpad drama that's got me down, it's more like wattpad itself that's really pushed me away. 

Thank you all again for reading, and voting and respecting the story despite how trashy it started. I might go back and edit some of it so that it might make sense. I did start this story When I was pretty young so, this story didn't come out very well at first. 

I appriciate you all. Much Love ♡


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